You know that moment when...

you are reminded that you are are the only one who continues to think you have it all together?

you make a conscious effort to spend more time with God in devotion and prayer, and as you keep your commitment, more "stuff" keeps rising to the surface?

you feel like your time is being wasted and find yourself asking what you are doing what in the world "you" (as if I am somebody) and doing "here" when you could be at home? And in this same moment you allow your anger and frustration to surface only further revealing the said stuff mentioned above?

you see things about yourself that make you want to vomit?

you are reminded that God rejoices over the "prodigal son" and dresses HIM in the robe and gives HIM the ring? Not you? Not the "faithful Sunday School girl"? (Insert said vomit session mentioned above)

you realize that you have put off going "deeper" with God for so long that He has A LOT of cleaning up and cleaning out to do.

you start to finally realize (again) that you are not in control. You are not owed an answer, nor are you entitled to know just because you are the faithful brother and not the prodigal son?

you breathe in deep, blow it out, close your eyes and say...ok God...I am listening. I am laying here, in my bed on a Sunday afternoon, trying to sleep (like my three boys are) but I can't. I won't get up. I won't busy myself. I WILL make an effort to BE STILL and LISTEN. Please speak.

That's the moment when...He sweetly and patiently says...

you fooled yourself good this time, didn't you? I left you to your pride a lot longer than you really wanted to stay with it, didn't I? I am not going to force you to listen. I am not going to push myself on you. But, I have been waiting, and yes my daughter you are the only one who thought you had it all together.

oh, there is so much I have wanted to tell you. Let's work together to get rid of this "stuff" so we can move forward to and I can show you the plans that I have in mind.

your time is really MY time because I gave it to you to spend. I do not want to dwell on all of the time that you waste doing things that do not truly matter, so I will just say this...I have put a certain place and people group on your heart for reasons and purposes far beyond anything you could ever understand. I chose you to love on "these people', not because I need you to, but because I want you to, and because it's about ME (God) and not YOU (Lauren). Examine your heart and see if you are up to the task. If not, don't go. Don't do it, and for goodness sake do NOT be fake (Romans 12- The Message)

yes-you should want to vomit. Lukewarm Christians make me want to vomit too! I tell you that in my word!

do you not realize that you were once, not too long ago, a prodigal son? you may have been sitting in church, but you weren't there. you may have been going through the motions, but your heart wasn't right. 2 weeks ago, when you decided to crack your Bible open and spend time with me again...trust me...I was rejoicing, my prodigal son!

we do have a lot of cleaning up to do. day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. You will fall, but I will catch you. You will mess up, but together, we will move forward. After all, you are not perfect nor do you have it all together.

no, I will not waste time giving you answers you do not need, but I looking forward to giving you the ones you do!

And, as I listen and take it all in, God does not yell, He continues to whisper. I think He does this because He wants to be sure I hear Him. He says...I love you. I created you to love me, and to love people. I want you to bring ME glory. There will never be anything that you need to know that I will not tell you. Trust me, it is for your own good. I am yours, and you are Mine!

Here is your goal this week...

Trust and obey. Period.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed...

-by God's goodness and provisions.

-by the fact that He WANTS to talk to me...the creator of the UNIVERSE WANTS to talk to me.

-that I don't make the time to talk to HIM.

-with gratitude that even when I don't make the time, He still speaks, and LOUDLY...

Take this morning for example...

We got up early with the boys. We did our usual Sunday morning routine (only this week my mom was here too). We played, watched cartoons, had breakfast, etc... Never once did I ask God to speak to me this morning. Never once did I wonder what I would take away from the message. I prayed for Jeff this week as he prepared it, but didn't pray for what I was to learn. I was excited about going to church, but not anticipating what was in store.

Two weeks ago we had the honor of having a group from Ohio come to Church Central and do a "discipleship conference" with us. It was awesome, to say the least, and that would be a blog all in itself!

With that (discipleship) in mind...come with me to church for a few minutes. I am sure the sermon had a title. I am also sure we read scripture...several if my memory serves me correctly. The bottom line was this- We are not just called to commit, we are also called to submit. Anyone can make a commitment. An agreement. Give their word. BUT (change of direction) it takes courage to submit. You commit on the day of your wedding, but you submit to your mate and THEN you have a marriage. When you go from having faith to tapping into courage, a courage only God can give, it is then that you will begin to "bear much fruit". We commit our life to God on the day of salvation, the day we ask Him in our hearts, but we submit when He calls us to do something and we obey.

For me, it's like this. When I can go from saying I am not in control to truly allowing God to have FULL control, it is then that I have both surrendered and submitted. I don't think it's a one time thing. I think it's a daily thing. Oh yes...Jeff did share that verse today...Take up your cross DAILY and follow me. Oh yes...we learned that the week before in discipleship class..."Daily in the word". But...I want details. I want to know how it looks. I want to know the end result. I WANT...etc. If you have ready my blog for very long you will notice two things...

1. I struggle with control (among many other things)

2. I struggle to MAKE time to spend with God each day

Two things that are constantly in songs I hear, sermons I sit under, or, like tonight, discussed in a small group I am blessed to be a part of.

God will always give us enough understanding for today. That is all we need. That is all we can handle. If we needed more, He would grant it to be so. If we could handle more, we would be God. But we are not, He is.

You might say...He is first...and we are second!

How will this week look different than last? What are my goals?

1. Relinquish control...again...and again...and again.

2. Make time to walk and talk with God each day.

3. Try and remember...I AM SECOND!