Details...you want details???

It happens every year...starting on August 29th...my mind runs through a play-by-play...day-by-day...detail by detail...of all the events that led up to Gage's birth. If you know me at all you have probably heard and/or read this story too many times to count. There is no way I can blog it, journal it, or tell it enough to do it justice...all the grace, mercy, and specific detail that God took the time to put in place so that we could see it was ALL for Him, by Him, about Him and to bring Him glory. I will never be able to thank Him enough...but I will spend the rest of my life trying...

June 2008- Gage was diagnosed with CDH (there was a hole in his diaphragm and his intestines, spleen, and appendix were all in his chest cavity...and his liver was not sure if it wanted to join the other misplaced organs).

Our doctor in Milledgeville referred us to a doctor in Macon, and the doctor in Macon told us about CHOP- the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 

WHAT?

Ok...we can do this! With God all things are possible!

June 2008- we made our first trip to Philadelphia (on our first plane ride EVER)

July 2008- we made our second trip to Philadelphia

August 2008-we made our third trip to Philadelphia. This trip is when we nailed down some dates and details for "temporary relocating to Philadelphia". Gage was due on October 9th. They wanted me there no later than Monday, September 22nd.

August 25th...9:30 PM...I started bleeding...and we headed to Macon and were there through August 27...the bleeding stopped even though there was no explanation for why it started to begin with.

August 28- back to Macon...more bleeding. My doctor called Philadelphia...they said stay in Georgia and call after Labor Day weekend...wait it out and just see what happens. When (and if) I do come...it will be best to drive. My doctor in Macon said...I can't tell you what to do...but G O and go NOW!

Friday August 29- mom and I hopped a plane to Philly (yep...against medical advice...not only did we come when they said stay...we flew to boot).

Friday August 29-Tuesday September 2nd- we stayed in a hotel in Philadelphia waiting on Labor Day weekend  to pass. If we never see another Diner or another Denny's we will be just fine! I DrEaDeD calling Denise- the head nurse over all things as far as I knew- and the one who told me to stay put. After the initial SHOCK that we came anyway...she got us a room at the Ronald McDonald House in Camden, New Jersey. We couldn't get a room at the RMHouse near CHOP because the baby was not yet born. She also made us an appointment for the following day. Did I mention that I did not bleed the entire stay at the hotel, but started again the morning of my appointment??

Wednesday September 3rd- (4 years ago today)...we went to our appointment. The midwife tells us that I am dilated 3 cm and 75% effaced. I, of course, have no clue what this means. She smiles and says...this baby will be here soon. WHAT???!!! Soon like I need to call Chris soon, or soon like this week? When??? We rock on for a few hours and nothing changes. They debate whether to admit me or not. They decide to go ahead and keep me, and "sure...go ahead and call you husband...we just hate for him to come for nothing". I call him...he leaves work and "packs". I call my sister-in-law. Whitney...is there ANY way you can go to my house, pack your brother, get him a plane ticket, and take him to the airport? Yes? Ok...thanks! She will never know what blessing she was, is, and will always be! Chris arrives around 9:30 PM and nothing has changed still. The midwife and doctor come in, apologize for getting him on a plane, wish us a good night sleep, and give us a run down for the morning.

Thursday September 4th...7:00ish in the morning...I am not feeling so good. I tell mom and she calls the nurse. The nurse checks me and all is well...except not two minutes later I said...uhhh mom...I am pretty sure my water just broke. If you know Ramona LaFavor, then you know that she is the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. She lifts of the covers, smiles and simply says, I think I will just page the nurse. Well...it wasn't water...it was blood. It wasn't a little...it was a LOT! It was so much so that in less that 5 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and Chris was looking like the Michelin tire man with his white suit on. I was scared, but calm. I was unsure, but certain. God was here. He was RIGHT here. He was here in the form of doctors, nurses, my mom, and my sweet precious husband. God formed that baby with not a mistake in mind and He was gonna complete this good work he started...Gage came a few minutes later. His sweet cry of "I'm here" is all we heard. We didn't see him, hold him, touch him or look at him right away. The OB passed him on to the next group of doctors and nurses who would take him and hook him up to what seemed like a million tubes and machines to ensure that he would have EVERY chance at this precious thing we call life. We later learned it was touch-and-go but that Gage was a "fighter" and was clearly not going to give up! You got that right! 

That night the same doctor and midwife from the previous night who apologized for sending for Chris stood at my bedside in amazement without explanation of how PERFECT everything just went. They went on to tell us that had they sent me "home" that night to the Camden RMHouse and had I abrupted (that's what happened to me and why all the bleeding the previous week) in Camden (not 10 miles from CHOP) that the ambulance would not have been able to cross the bridge to get me to CHOP and I would not have been able to deliver there. 

God.is.in.every.detail.  He.does.not.miss.a.thing.

September 9th...5 short days after his birth...Gage had surgery to repair his CDH. There was not enough diaphragm there to sew it back together (imagine the opening of a balloon and sewing it shut) so they had to sew his tissue to a gortex patch and it would act as his diaphragm and as he grows this tissue will grow to the patch and it will act as part of his missing diaphragm. Amazing. Simply amazing. 

For the next 5 weeks God never stopped. He sent family. He sent friends. He sent care package after care package. He sent money, food, encouragement beyond all explanation. He put it on the hearts of SO many to pray...and that they did! We got to hold Gage several weeks after he was born. He had good days and not so good days and so did we. Chris, mom, and I...the 3 amigos...the NICU all-stars...we have some pretty amazing memories!

October 14th...5 weeks after his surgery...and 5 days after his original due date...we came home!

What an amazing journey. I hope and pray I NEVER get tired of recalling as many details as I can. I hope that Gage will one day soon see that scar across his belly and come to know the One who allowed him to live. It is our prayer that one day he can tell his story so that people will hear HIS story! I am thankful that as another August came and went it meant that was one more healthy year for Robert Gage Brown. We were surrounded by people in the NICU who were not as fortunate with the same outcome, and we pray we never forget what God has done! 

Gage will be 4 years old in a few short hours. He goes to school with me every day. He talks to anyone and everyone who will listen. He loves life. He loves to laugh. He loves to dance and "shake his booty." He loves all things trains and cars. He can run, swing, and jump on a trampoline and his lungs don't even know that they were, at one point in time, not properly functioning. Gage is tenderhearted and yet stubborn as a mule. He appreciates routine, order, and organization (which I tend to LOVE about him). He is a great big brother and friend to Carter. He L O V E S a book and at the end of the day...wants to take his bath, snuggle up, and end his day like any other "normal" little boy. He sees a lung specialist twice a year, but other than that, if you didn't see the scar, you wouldn't know anything was ever "wrong" with him. 

Lord- 

We don't know why you chose us to raise such precious boys but we thank you for entrusting us to do so. You are too good to us. You have done and continue to do more than we could ever ask or imagine. You are full of grace and mercy toward us. May we NEVER forget all that you have done for us. We thank you for blessing us FAR beyond belief!    

We love you, Chris and Lauren

Remembering when...

We found out you had a 50% chance to live.

  You lived.

You had a 75% chance after surgery.

  You made it through.

You had a hard time eating and gaining weight.

  You did it!

You were in the NICU for 6 weeks.

  We were so happy to come home.

You were on meds and a feeding tube.

  You pulled it out!

You had to stay away from crowded places for 6 months!

  Church was our first official outing!

You crawled, walked, and started to talk...

  You haven't been still since!

You got some books...and then some more...and then some more...

   You are a smart little boy!

You started Day Care.

  You grew, thrived, and fell in love with learning so many things!

You became a big brother.

  You have never been so proud!

And now...a new chapter begins! I can't wait to talk to you tomorrow after your first day of Head Start. I can't wait to hear all about your teachers, your new friends, all of the toys in your class, that BIG ole' playground, and what you got to eat in that lunchroom. I can't wait to look up the hall after school is over and see you-my big boy-at the end of it! I thought and dreamed about these days while feeding you in the NICU, but never knew they would come so fast. You are almost 4 years old sweet boy, and what an amazing 4 years it has been! People say that time flies, and now I know, they are not kidding! Your daddy and I could not be more proud of you. There is no doubt in our minds that you are gonna love school...if Wednesday was any indication...we are set for life! Your teachers and friends are going to make a difference in your life, and you are going to make a difference in theirs, just like you have ours. Go get em' Robert (that's my daddy's first name too) "Gage" Brown from Milledgeville, Ga!! We love you buddy, and you will always be our miracle baby!

Where are you RIGHT NOW?

Do you ever have those times when you have too much and nothing at all going on at the exact same time? School is out for the Summer yet my mind and heart spin tirelessly like I am being paid for it! That is where I am right now. I am in between a lot of thoughts about a lot of things. I am finding myself-not necessarily worried-just concerned-and in deep thought about several areas of my simple little life. If you could push pause and take a peek into my brain for any given 30 minute segment, here are some questions you may see fly by.

Who is going to pastor our church?

Hasn't SBC been through enough Lord?

Why do so many people that we love have to leave all at once? Again!

Will houses get sold, houses get bought, and everything work out for these people we love so much?

How will things turn out for my brother? Why him?

How will things turn out for my sister-in-law (my brother's wife)? Why her?

Can I really start first grade, while Gage starts Head Start, and Carter starts day care all at the same time?

Will I be able to wrap my mind around teaching first grade, after all I have never done it before?

I can think of 3 very young children right now facing life threatening illnesses...what will come of those situations? How are their families coping?

I can think of some friends at school whose mother is holding on to her sweet life by a thread...how will they handle what is to come?

In all of these thoughts, concerns, worries, whatever I choose to call them...God so faithfully whispers...Lauren...shhhhhh. Be still, sit down, and listen. Don't think. Don't talk. Don't try to do MY job. Don't plan. Don't figure. Don't ask everyone else their opinions and thoughts on these matters...just sit. Sit in silence. Sit in stillness. Concentrate on me. Let me wash over you- your mind-your body-your spirit. Now...listen.

The man that is going to pastor your church is the same man I chose for "such a time as this" before I even created the world and spun it into motion. I have it under control.

I have called SBC to big things. BIG things. Be faithful. Do what I ask. I will not lead you astray. People are leaving, I am not.

People come and go according to MY calling. Be it Ohio, North Carolina, Warner Robbins, or down the street. They come and go when I say, not when you think they should or should not.

I will supply all of their needs according to my riches! They are not worried-or concerned as you call it-nor should you be!

Your brother and sister-in-law are in my care as well. I do not desire that my children suffer, but I do desire that they seek me and find me with their whole hearts. I will reveal what needs to be revealed to them and about them when MY timing is right. You ask why them? Why not them? I have things that need to be accomplished that only they can accomplish. I want to use them in a special way to draw people to my side!

Yes, you really can begin teaching first grade while your boys begin their new school adventures. See...none of these things are a surprise to me. I allowed you to be moved to first grade. I allowed Gage to get into Head Start, and I allowed Carter a place at Day Care...I think we may have had this discussion before. As you know I keep no record of wrongs (worries) but if I did, I would be willing to bet this is not the first time you asked me that one!

My love is big enough to cover Abe, Kayden, Noah, and any other child who has an illness- life threatening or not. My grace and mercy are sufficient. YOU know that. From Philadelphia to Milledgeville- you know that! Be faithful to pray for these families as others did for you. For this too...I have a plan

Jamie and Jennifer love their momma so deeply-and I know that. I created that love in them for her. I also put in them a desire to love others, and to give and serve unconditionally, which they are so faithful to do. I also know their sweet, precious, tiny, and frail momma is so tired. She has fought and fought and fought. She will go when she is ready, and I will give them the strength they need. For them too...you need to pray!

God- you are so sweet to me. You are so sweet that in spite of my worries you have a calmness that overwhelms me. You allow me to soak up time with my boys. You allow me to enjoy the simple things in life. You allow me to see you all throughout the day. You use other people to speak to me heart and my soul. You do more than I could ever think or imagine. For these things I have mentioned above- and so much more- I give you praise for what you are going to do. I love you and thank you for loving me.

It doesn't happen often...but...today...

I broke down and CrIeD! A good, hard, tears running down and mascara streaking your face cry. Right there in the middle of my classroom. My students had gone home and my belly was full from lunch, and as I sat in silence my mind just started running...

Today was my last day as a kindergarten teacher. This is the only grade I have ever taught, and I have taught it for eight years now. I am confident that I will be fine in first grade, and love it... but for today...I cried.

Today was my last day as team leader in kindergarten. If you know me, you know that I LOVE to be in charge-or to at least think I am. I know that God has some MAJOR life lessons in store for me in the areas of humility and control...but for today...I cried.

Today it hit me that my classroom is an absolute MESS. Again, if you know me, you know that I have some major OCD issues. Color coded OCD issues. If you walked in my room right now-you know why today when I looked around-I CRIED!!!

Tomorrow will be my big boy's LAST day of Day Care. Man what a blessing The Learning Safari has been to our lives. It was an answered prayer during an uncertain time for us and we are so thankful. Although Gage has that weird September 4th birthday and will only be doing the 3 year old program at Head Start...it is still big school which in turn means he is getting big...and that makes me cry. Happy/sad tears, but tears nonetheless!

Tomorrow Gage leaves for the beach after his last day of day care. He went for a few days last year with his grandparents, but I know this year he will be more comfortable away from home and want to stay longer. He will spend the next two nights with his "Adda" in Harlem (Georgia) and then off to the beach to meet up with his "Namaw". I am so very thankful for these opportunities that he has, but you guessed it, for today, it made me CRY!

These things are not huge or life threatening, but they matter to me, and right now, to me, they seem huge. In the midst of my tears God said... Come to me. Talk to me. I want to hear all about it. Cry out to me. I care. It matters to you, it matters to me. He reminded me that He is not surprised by anything going on in my life right now...He's not even surprised that I have said "I'm fine" when on the inside I am a basket-case. He also reminded me that even though it seems blurry sometimes, HE is ultimately in control of ALL things. He gives and takes away. He guides and then provides. He equips the called, He does not call the equipped.

I do not need to look horizontally for approval, but only vertically.

He whispered these sweet things...

Teaching is simply a tool I have given you to reach children and their parents for Christ. I (God) am not limited to kindergarten and neither are you.

You have lost sight of who is ultimately in control of your life. You are not in charge-contrary to your own thought processes-and it's time you sit back for a little while and give ME back my rightful place.

Your classroom-is just a room. You will have time and you will make time to get it ready for the next group of children that I have already chosen to be under your care. They will be more concerned that your heart is right than if your red, green, yellow, and blue baskets are alphabetized and in order.

I did provide that opening for your family at the Day Care that day. I did that. I did that because I love you, but also because I love Gage. I love Him so much that I gave the life of my son. I love him so much that I made a plan for his life before he was even born. Every day when he wakes up and takes a deep breath-organs in tact-remember ME. I did that too. He is going to love his new school too because guess what? I am there too!

He is about to have the time of his life at the beach. He will have days and days of undivided attention and will love it. He will be ready to come home when its time, but until then, know that this is time he will cherish, as will his grandparents. You need the rest too. You need time with Chris and also with Carter. More than all of your boys though, you need time with me.

He whispered...Lauren, I am before all things, and in Me all things hold together. Hold your head up high, wipe those tears from your eyes, and you remember whose you are. Tighten up your boot straps and know...I love you.

Ode to The Learning Safari...

To some it’s just a “Daycare”

Where parents take their child each day

They may not realize all that their child is learning

Only that they run and play

I am thankful for so many things

About this place my child attends

He has learned so many skills and life lessons

While also making a number of friends

As most of you know Gage had a rough time

As his little life began

And for the first year of his precious life

He was cared for by family and friends

When we came to the Learning Safari

It was a Godsend there is not doubt

We prayed that there was an opening for us

And from there things just “worked out”

Ms. Wendy’s room is where it began

With Ms. Morgan and Ms. Emily too

Then off to Ms. Fran’s class he would then go

With Ms. Kijuana and Ms. Haley when he turned two.

At three years old it was to Ms. Vet’s room

I remember her from when I worked there

He grew to love Ms. Haley and Ms. Cole

and of course her ever changing hair J.

 We’d me remiss if we didn’t mention Mrs. Kim

And there is “the other Mrs. Kim” too

And the sweet ladies who care for Gage each morning

Who thought they’d NEVER quit hearing “boo-hoo”!!!

He loves each lady mentioned above

And since you know them then you know why

But I’m convinced the highlight of Gage’s every day

Was seeing Mr. Jeremy (Jer-me) pass by

How do you say goodbye to a place

That you hold so dear to your heart

How do you thank people for making such a difference

Where do you even start

There is no way you will never know

How confident Chris and I have been in your care

We do not take childcare lightly

And we are thankful for what all goes on there

From drop off and breakfast to calendar and centers

To lunch and naptime too

From potty training and learning to share

And learning to eat with a spoon

You have helped raise Gage for these first few years

And “thank you” doesn’t seem like enough

To express our deepest gratitude

Finding the right words would be tough

We will simply say goodbye for now

But we will see you again in the Fall

When baby brother Carter comes to join the Safari

And gets to experience love and care from you all!

This blog is a test...

Will it upload now?

Dear Maternity Leave...

I cannot believe that you come to an end tomorrow! Has it really been 8 weeks since I have been at school and 7 weeks since Carter was born? My how time flies. So much has happened over these past few weeks...so much joy...it's hard to take it all in. I have had some amazing visitors who have brought over some amazing food. I have also had some good visits with people I don't usually get the time-or make the time-to visit with. I have organized everything in every room and closet and even in our storage building. I have checked many things off of "to do lists" that I have had laying around forever. Maternity leave...you have been so good to me. As important as all of the above things are to me, here is what I will remember most about the weeks you allowed me to be home.

I had the perfect ending to the perfect pregnancy.

I had a precious baby who weighed 9 pounds and 4 ounces.

I was able to nurse this big boy and put aside all preconceived notions and fears.

Because of that I was able to watch him go from 9 pounds to almost 13 in just a short time.

I was able to reflect on God's grace and mercy.

I was able to pick Gage up early every day and we even played hooky a few days too!

I was able to watch Gage grow from a baby into a big boy overnight!

I was able to...on and on and on.

Tomorrow brings sadness as my time with Carter ends, but it also starts a new chapter for Gage. I will register him for "school" tomorrow. Come August he will ride with me every day and will attend the 3 year old program at Head Start at our school. How can he be old enough? I remember when I was out with him on maternity leave thinking about these times to come, and now they are here. Time truly FLIES.

I am blessed that Chris' dad and my mom will split the week so that Carter can stay home for the next few months before starting Day Care in the Fall. I know that they will all enjoy that...they will never know how much Chris and I appreciate them for this, and for all that they do.

I would not turn back the hands of time for anything in the world. Each and every stage in the life of my boys has become my favorite. The sweet cries when they are hungry or need a diaper change. The little smiles and coos when the newborn starts to fade. The legs kicking and arms flapping as they start to move around a bit. The tracking and looking for people as he knows each voice. The scooting, rolling, first foods, crawling, walking...it's all been my favorite. The reading books until we are blue in the face. The "ah ha moments" when they learn new things. The trains, the animals, the laughter, the baths, the talks, the stories, and the "Jesus songs". It is ALL my favorite. I look forward to all the new beginnings as well. I am realizing, however, that welcoming new things means letting go of old ones. It means change...something I am not great with...but something that is vital in order to live life to the fullest...the life that Jesus gave His life for.

So...tonight I say... goodbye maternity leave...hello Head Start...and thank you God for blessing our family...you continue to do more that we could ever think or imagine.

It's more than just a hair cut...

Most men don't understand why a woman would spend hours in a beauty shop. They don't understand how it could possibly cost that much money to put some "streaks" in your hair and cut, shampoo (you don't call it wash...Martha Sue Crawford would say you WASH a dog, you SHAMPOO people) and style it. They don't get why we get SOOO excited about hair day and anticipate it like Christmas. Well fellas...I can't speak for all of my lady friends...but for me it's more than just a hair cut, and my beautician is more than just a "hair lady".

Since moving to Milledgeville I have had more than my fair share of hair ladies. Some have cut it too short, some haven't cut it short enough, I have had gray highlights as well as NO highlights when I paid for them. For the most part, they have each been one hit wonders...and I wonder how they stay in business.

However...this all changed about a year ago. I went to a local salon that was highly recommended by some friends of mine from school. You will LOVE her, my friend said. She is so funny and loves to talk. She is good at hair and I guarantee you won't be disappointed. Why not, what did I have to lose?

I fell in love with Christa, at Glow salon, from hello. We formed an immediate friendship the second she said- wait what is your son's name? Was that about 3 years ago? Yep...I prayed for him!!! WHAT? Are you serious? I said girl, this miracle you prayed for will soon be sitting in your chair and I will need you cut his hair as well! The rest as they say is history! As long as she is cutting/styling hair, I will make a time (though not often enough) to sit in her chair! You see, I have learned that being a hair stylist is more than just a job, it's a calling. It's like being a teacher, a nurse, or a soldier. Sure...anyone can do it...but if you aren't called to it, you aren't going to enjoy it or be successful at it. Doing hair is an art, and each head is like a blank canvas. To a stylist, I have learned, that each head belongs to a person, and each person has a story. Whether the client is a regular, or only comes every 4-5 months, for that hour or two they have some undivided attention. That client is listened to, talked to, pampered, and made to feel beautiful. Whether they are high on life or experiencing the fat post-part-um blues, they feel beautiful for a little while. Every now and then this relationship goes a little bit deeper, and the care taker becomes the cared about...and that...in my opinion is what makes the world go around. You let me in, and I will let you in. What goes around comes around. Sometimes life is hard, sometimes things we don't like just happen, and sometimes you just want a friend to sit down in your chair so you can talk about it.

Thanks for letting me in today Christa. I love you like family and am thankful some friends recommended you to me. I always like my hair, and even more, I enjoy talking and laughing with a new friend!

After all was said and done...

11 days ago my heart did indeed grow!

There are no words to express the deep love I have for not one but TWO boys! Everyone was right. It just happens. God just does it. He gives you love for both children...immediately! What's more...not only did he give me an immediate love, he gave Gage one too! I am overwhelmed by the perfect, sweet, and innocent love Gage has for Carter!

It started out as a "normal" day. As normal as it can be with a 9 pound baby sideways and backwards and in your rib cage. Thursday (the 12th) marked my 39th week of pregnancy and a scheduled C-section for 12:30 sharp was in place. Well...it wasn't exactly 12:30. We arrived at 11:00 to find out there was "no room in the inn" and we would just wait in the OB assessment area. There they decided to go ahead and prep me for surgery. It got to be about 12:00 and my rather large self was getting anxious and irritated because time was drawing near and I was not fitting so nicely on this "bed". The nice lady comes in to tell us we have been bumped and the hope is that we will be able to go in at 2:00 due to two emergencies that had arisen with other patients. For a BREIF second, Chris and I remembered being the emergency c-section with Gage, but then we both were snapped back into the here and now when I started having contractions. WHAT? Contractions? This was going to be one of the perks of a repeat c-section...no contractions, no labor pains, etc...well, they started and continued until 3:00 when I finally got my epidural. I realize that I am a MaJoR wimp, but those things hurt! It took a while to get my epidural because of the contractions and because of the medical student who was putting it in place. Finally...all numb...ahhh much better. From behind the curtain I see smoke and ask the doctor if I want to know why it smells like burnt popcorn...Chris just smiles...and the anesthesia guy says...no ma'am, you don't want to know! So the c-section proceeds and what seems like 5 seconds later, Carter is pulled from my belly...all 9 pounds and 4 ounces and 22 inches of him. We get to see him right away...no tubes, no beeping, no heart monitors, no breathing machines...just pure God given grace...right there at our fingertips. They take Carter to get washed up and they take me to recover and before long Chris, Carter, and I are all in the recovery room together. As soon as they declare me ready for a regular room, off we go, my baby in my arms. He is not even an hour old and already I get to hold him...this must be Heaven. We get to our room and are surrounded by family and friends who will NEVER know how special it was to spend this very special time with them. My favorite time though, even more than holding Carter, was holding Gage AND Carter.

He was so proud and excited, and in an instant, he grew up.

Today, as I sit here with Carter, on our first date alone, I am in awe! I am in awe of...

-God

-family

-friends

-provisions

-perfect timing

-the human body...mainly due to nursing

-LIFE!

God, may I never get tired of singing your praises and telling others how blessed I am...

yes...blessed beyond belief!!! It's not because we deserve it, but it's because you are so good!

You are going to be a great big brother!

Dear Gage-

Hey sweet boy! You have been heavy on my mind and heart these past few days as the time draws near for Carter to come. As you know- or understand the best your little three year old mind can- he will be here on Thursday. This "knowledge" you have has contributed to some major crying fits, clinging to us every spare second, and constant worry about daddy and I "leaving" you. I am super emotional too, and to see you so upset breaks my heart. As I have talked to friend after friend they say we are both perfectly normal to be so upset. I just want you to know how excited I am about you being a big brother. Gage, you have so much to offer Carter. You have so much to teach and show him. You are such a sweet, smart, and fun loving little boy, yall will not be able to help but fall in love with each other. Long term I can envision many wrestling matches, tents being built, and spend the night parties in your room. For the here and now I can envision you holding him, feeding him his bottle, reading him books, and making sure he is well entertained. You have such a sweet spirit and I know once we make this big transition as a family, it will seem as though he has always been here.

Guess what little buddy? This is hard for me too. It's just been the three of us for over three years now. I've never had to share my time with anyone else. I've never had to juggle both juice cups and bottles. I've never had to change diapers and make sure you were making it IN the potty at the same time. I say all that to say this...your daddy and I will have to make adjustments in our "world" too. One thing I have learned though is that I will have PLENTY of love for both of you boys. I have been told that my time will be divided, but my love will be multiplied. The closer Thursday gets, the more my heart believes what my ears have been hearing. I don't think either of realize how blessed we are...think about all the people who love us and are going to help with this new phase. First and foremost is our God. He, after all, is the one who formed Carter and created his every detail. After that we have your daddy. Gage Brown, your daddy is the best there is. He loves us more than the breath he breathes and I don't know what we would do without him. If they weren't enough we have your four AMAZING grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, Church family, and friends. You and I are in the most ideal situation possible. Your Pap reminded me of this very fact this morning.

So, what do you say? Let's take a deep breath and jump! You, daddy, and me! What a team! One day at a time, moment by moment, let's all be there for each other. Gage, your daddy and I love you so very much. We are so proud of the little boy that you have become, and the big boy you are becoming. We are excited to see what God is going to do in your life, and how he is going to use you to make a difference in Carter's. We are blessed to be your parents...blessed beyond belief!