So many thoughts running through this head of mine...

Tomorrow marks my 37th week of pregnancy. I must say I am fatter, hotter, tireder, and hungrier, and more emotional than I ever was with Gage. I haven't seen my toes in quite some time, I sweat...even in the cold, I could sleep for days and still desire more, and if I eat another box of cereal they will have to rename "Lucky Charms" to something different. I was emotional with Gage, but it was a different emotional. This time it is a...

-how is my heart going to be able to love two children

-why did our health insurance have to change NOW

-do I nurse, do I pump, do I just SCREAM instead

-how rough will the recovery be for C-section number 2

-how long will I stay in the hospital

-will I get all my lesson plans finished in time

-even after Carter comes...and my body takes its "new normal" shape...will I then see my toes?

-are all the bottles/pacis/bibs, etc put in the right place

-are all of Gage's toys put in the best place for him to get them when he wants them

-will Gage take on the role of big brother quickly and love it

-and these are just a few of my DAILY thoughts...no I am not kidding.

To look at me and many times to hear me talk you may think I am a laid back, role with the punches, let the chips fall where they may kind of girl...however...that (as you can read above) is not the case. Even after everything we went through with Gage and all of the lessons I learned, I still thrive on CoNtRoL. I like to see the ins and outs, and I like the final picture...now! I like things organized and I like things my way. I have come to learn lately that this stems from insecurity and if you know me at all you also know that I don't like to admit that I have any of those. I do though, as does every man, woman, boy and girl who breathes...

Thankfully though, here enters my husband.

-how is my heart going to be able to love two children

how could it not?

-why did our health insurance have to change NOW

be thankful we have it...there are many who do not!

-do I nurse, do I pump, do I just SCREAM instead

you try your best and if it doesn't work out, we make a new plan

-how rough will the recovery be for C-section number 2

rough or easy, I will be there to help you, you will not be alone.

-how long will I stay in the hospital

we will soon find out

-will I get all my lesson plans finished in time

what doesn't get done, doesn't need to get done

-even after Carter comes...and my body takes its "new normal" shape...will I then see my toes?

I will love you no matter what

-are all the bottles/pacis/bibs, etc put in the right place

babe, you could (and will) move them ten times and ask yourself the same thing

-are all of Gage's toys put in the best place for him to get them when he wants them

he will not go without

-will Gage take on the role of big brother quickly and love it

we will work together to make him feel included...he will love being a big brother

What do women do who aren't as blessed as I am? When everything is running 90 to nothing in my head and nothing makes sense...in walks Chris Brown. He is cool, he is calm, and he is collected. He thinks through what needs to be said, but says it nonetheless. He is selfless and a very devoted family man. He reads God word and does His best to apply it in every area of his life. He doesn't know that I notice his every step, move, and word, but I do. I have since we were college sweethearts. God has brought him a long way as a spiritual leader and to Him be all the glory. Chris and I can say a lot, or say nothing but still be on the same page. We like tradition, we like routine and we like to work together as a team. I will ask the above questions 5 million more times, and will get the same responses from my sweet husband...and he may even crack a smile...but even if he doesn't one thing is for certain...I love him more than anything in this world. I love that he gives me that look when it's time to be quiet, or to be still. I love that he is fearless and confident that everything will work out. I love that he loves me no matter if I can see my toes or not. I love that Gage loves him and that he loves Gage. I love that they spend time together, and so often laugh so hard it makes my heart smile. Above all of these things though I love that God saw it fit for Chris and I to meet and fall in love a little over 9 years ago. God allowed us to find the church we found, land the jobs we did, buy the house we bought, drive the cars we drive, and make the family we have made. You see, without God all of this would be meaningless. It would just be life...but He came to give us life abundantly. He constantly blesses us far beyond what we deserve, and how dare I, pregnant or not, lose sight of what He gave up so that I could live this abundant life?

Thank you God for children, insurance, options, hospitals, jobs and "stuff" for you are God of all of these things too. Please constantly remind me of the big picture. You are God and I am not. You know all and I need to remain on a "needs to know" basis. Thank you for my husband and best friend. Thank you more than anything for your son, and my relationship with Him. Help me not to live like those who have no hope, but to walk with a confidence that only comes from you.

Two weeks from tomorrow my heart will double (as I have learned from all my facebook friends) and all of the things listed at the top of my worry list will fade away. I am excited about that day and am thankful that you are allowing Chris and I this awesome responsibility of raising another boy. You are too good to us, and we love you, and we acknowledge that all good things come from you!

34 weeks and 6 days...

It was on this night during my pregnancy with Gage that I was admitted to the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I was 3 cm dialated and 75% effaced...this little boy was coming soon. 5 weeks early. Mom and I are waiting and praying for Chris' plane to land and he's trying to get to me as fast as he can. He makes it...we have our last childless night...Gage will come tomorrow. Many of you know how the story goes...the next morning I abrupted and the doctor called for an emergency c-section. In a nutshell, Gage was born, had surgery 5 days later, recovered and grew, and 5 weeks after that we headed to Milledgeville. God performed a miracle!

My point?

Anything that happens after tomorrow morning around 7:30am will be all new for us. It's already been a whole new ball game with Carter...no plane rides, no weekly sonograms, no life or death birth defects, no...etc but after tomorrow I will be "pregnanter" than I have ever been before. That, to me, is a miracle! Chris and I were a little gun shy for a while about even having another baby, but God was sweet enough to allow us to get pregnant again. He's been sweet enough to let us stay close to home, and I know He'll be sweet enough to see us through.

Carter is breech, and we are praying that everything goes as smooth as possible with his birth, but one thing is for certain, God has gone before us, is with us, and will follow behind us! Isn't it just like our gracious and merciful God to be the same God of "normal" pregnancies that He is of "at risk" pregnancies. The God that spared, protected, and healed Gage Brown in Philadelphia is the same God who will watch over his little brother in Macon. How comforting! I sure do love our God.

Carter...come when you are ready. Your daddy, mommy, and big brother are ready to meet you. I know that God can and will handle your how and when, just know that we are anxious to hold you, smell you, give our God praises for you. These things I write about tonight, my sweet boy, reminds me that we are blessed beyond belief!

Thanksgiving...2011

This year I am: thankful to, thankful I can, thankful for (a)...

T- trust my God who has saved me and who never changes.

H- home...not just a house...a home.

A- antacids...namely Zantac...its been a lifesaver lately :)

N- new baby bedding placed in "old" baby furniture...Carter will be here soon!

K- kisses...from both of the boys in my life!

S- singing hymms to Gage every night as he falls asleep.

G- grace...period!

I- intercession...others for me, and me for others.

V- vision...thanks Andy for taking a leap of faith and starting "life groups" at SBC!

I- intelligence...that I pray leads to wisdom...and Spiritual wisdom at that!

N- nurturing environments...The Learning Safari (Gage's school) is a daily answer to prayer!

G- Gage Brown...what a blessing he is to Chris and I and to so many others!

It's more than just "I do"

On Saturday Chris and I celebrated 6 years of marriage! And so the saying goes, time flies when you are having fun! One thing I have learned along the way, however, is that there is much more to making a marriage than saying the two simple words "I do". It's not really the "saying them" part that can be so difficult, its the "meaning them" part.

Marriage 101 from the Brown's house...

Having a marriage is much more important than just being married. I think anyone can get married, but to stay married you have to want to build a marriage!

Marriage for us isn't just about "I do", but its also become...

I will...

talk, listen, be there, pray, laugh, cry

I won't...

assume, walk away, quit, give up

I can...

depend on you, grow with you, see our son in you

I can't...

cook every day, keep the house spotless, be a size 6, have unrealistic expectations

I love...

our memories, our present, our future, our family time

When hard times come I...

stand in the gap, cheer you on, encourage you, pray, believe when nobody else does

When good times come I...

rejoice with you, am proud to be your partner, smile!

At the end of the day...

there is nowhere else I would rather be than laying beside you

Chris Brown...

It is my hope and prayer that when Gage and Carter grow up they will look back on their childhoods and they will see how very blessed they were. I pray that they will say...

Mom and dad...

loved God

loved each other

loved us

loved people

loved our church

and loved their jobs.

Mom and dad...

were a team.

lived out their faith.

took church with them wherever they went.

made time for us boys.

taught us what matters in life.

showed us what marriage is all about.

I have big prayers and expectations for our boys, and I am learning it starts NOW! God has blessed us with a huge responsibility to love and raise them according to His plan and purpose. How grateful I am to be faced with such a huge challenge with such a great husband. In our short six years you have done things that would make most men walk away. You have seen the good, the bad, and ugly, and yet you still remain. You take my OCD personality and deal with it in stride. You let me give my opinion...even when its ridiculous. In my eyes, you are fearless. In your eyes, there is nothing we can't face as long as we have God's help. You are so quiet, but yet can be heard over 100 men talking all at one time. You say so much to other people and many times you do this by saying so little. You make my day at work a better one because I know when I get home I get to spend time with you. When our boys are grown and gone, you are who I want to grow old with. I get excited when I think about us doing things together, and with our boys, as a family. Gage and Carter have some mighty big shoes to fill, and for that I am also thankful.

Happy 6 years babe...these have been the best years of my life. Not every one of them an easy one, or how I may have planned it, but they have been just right for us! I look forward to the next 6, 16, 26, 36, and on and on.

God, through you, has blessed me far beyond belief!

What's in a name?

Matthew "Carter" Brown.

Where did your name come from?

Does it matter?

Of course it does!

Matthew is my brother's middle name. And Carter...well...it's just cute! If name has anything to do with character and integrity, Carter will be set with Matthew as his first name. Many of you do not know my brother personally, but let me assure you, he is one of the best around and he put the i in integrity. He is tall, he is strong, he is handsome, and he is a believer in all things family. He works hard, he talks soft, and he gives 100% in any and everything he does. Growing up, we were close, which is odd for siblings that are 6 years apart...especially considering when he was a senior in high school I was a 6th grader. Nonetheless...we had a special tie that bound us, and still do, to this very day. My brother would do anything for anybody and it only seemed fitting for my son to share his name. We don't get to see each other much because life and family keep us busy, but those short moments we do get a chance to talk, I absolutely treasure it. I can remember my brother praying for me as a little girl facing challenges that came my way. I can remember going through my teenage years and advice that he would give...most from personal experiences. I can remember he and his family being in my wedding and that will forever be a huge blessing, but the greatest thing I can ever remember him doing was hopping a plane with my dad and coming to see us in Philadelphia. I am quite sure he will NEVER know how special that was to me. He put his life on hold, just to make sure mine was going to be ok. That is how he does things- not perfectly- but selflessly- making sure everyone else is taken care of. He can give me a simple smile and a glance and in an instant all is well with the world. He is a husband and a father and I am sure Meredith, Jacob, and Macie could and would attest to how great he is. He is not perfect mind you, nor does he claim to be, but I think sometimes people just need to hear (or read) about how much they are admired for doing their best!

Gage and Carter will have a much different relationship than Chad and I did for many reasons, but several things I hope they share...a mutual love, respect, and appreciation for one another. A respect for their parents. A strong work ethic, one that was passed down to us from our own parents. A love for family, and of course a love for God. I hope that when they are grown with their own families that they too will take time to talk on the phone (or on FB) and just stay in touch.

My dad says that one of the most important things you have in life is your name. It is up to you to make that name mean something. It is also up to you to carry on the legacy of that name, or if it's not a legacy worth carrying on, that you make that name mean something. When you shake someone's hand and say "I am Horace LaFavor", it will leave a lasting impression...but it's how to you what type of lasting impression that will be.

I wonder what my name means to people. I don't want to only be known as the sarcastic one, or the one with all of the jokes, or the one who always has something to say. I want to make the "LaFavor's" and the "Brown's" proud. More than that however, I am reminded as I type, I wear another name...the name of Christ. It is my prayer that people will know that I am a Christian first, and everything else comes after that. Christian first, wife next. Christian first, mommy next. Christian first, teacher next. If I will keep that perspective, I know my attitude will improve...as will my words, thoughts, and actions.

What name do you wear, and do you wear it well?

Perspective...

It's what God gives you when the "little foxes" are nipping at your heels.

Perspective is seeing an accident as a praise that nobody was hurt and someone reminding you that stuff is just stuff...especially when that person has lost someone they love very much. Thank you Mr. Ronnie for your help, and the reminder!

Perspective is seeing it as an opportunity to build character when you have to talk to someone about something they don't even realize they are doing wrong.

Perspective is understanding that one day your little boy will grow up and no longer stinky on the bathroom floor at school nor will he roll around the floor of the hair salon because he doesn't want a hair cut...thank you for your patience Mrs. Vet, Ms. Nicole, and Mrs. Christa.

(For those minds who are wondering...yes he got a haircut the next day instead and it looks awesome and he even showed out today and pooped IN the potty at school)!

Perspective is realizing that when you go to crank your car (after the two incidents mentioned above) and it won't even pretend to start, to be thankful your in-laws are in town and can come pick you up.

Perspective is sitting in Sunday School during prayer request time busting at the seams to share about your "awful week" when instead you take a minute to listen to those around you request prayer for friends with cancer, death in the family, adoption, jobs, etc...

All of a sudden...you are thankful you have two cars in the shop...they will get fixed eventually. All of a sudden...you are reminded that you are who you are because of numerous character building sessions with people who loved you enough to have a little chat.

All of a sudden...you are reminded that that little "stinky bottom boy" that was throwing that fit is healthy and strong, and beat all odds to just be alive.

All of a sudden...you are in a place where you can hear the Sunday School lesson out of James where it says to "Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry". What a challenge, right? As a child I was taught that God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we could listen twice as much as we speak. I am pushing 30 and have yet to apply that simple truth to my life. I will wake up tomorrow and try again. I will wake up tomorrow and pray for perspective, God's perspective. I will pray for the ability to listen as others speak and try for just a minute to "wear their burden" and for just a minute put ME aside, and see things from another's perspective.

Has it really been three years...

I can't believe its been three years since I was at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia with my mom calling Whitney (my sister-in-law) on the phone in Eatonton, Georgia asking her to please help Chris pack, book a flight for THAT DAY, get him to the airport and get him to where I was. The doctor's were certain Gage was coming, and SOON!

It all seems like a whirlwind, but at the same time I can recall it day by day and detail by detail. I never get tired of writing about/typing about/or speaking about what God has done in the life of our family.

Robert "Gage" Brown was born on September 4, 2008. He was 6 lbs and 14 oz. He was 19.5 in. long. He screamed when they pulled him from my tummy, and we didn't hear another sound from his sweet lips for weeks. He was given a 50% chance of making it full term, and a 75% chance after that. The odds were stacked against him from the get go...he was premature and he was a c-section baby. As I have said many times before...I am thankful to love and serve a God who does not work in percentages, and shines when it seems the odds are stacked against us. To HIM be all the glory! Gage had surgery 5 days after his birth to put his bowels, spleen, and appendix back in their proper places since they had been in his chest cavity since he was 20 weeks inside of me. We spent the next 6 weeks at CHOP and in the Ronald McDonald House in Philly. It was a long road, but I am thankful we walked it! God was so good and gracious to us the whole time and still is today. It will take a lifetime-and beyond- to realize each detail and God's guidance behind it, but I pray I never cease trying to and then thanking Him for it!

Gage will be three tomorrow. He is tall, he is strong, he is smart, and he is precious. He loves people, he loves school, he loves cars and trains, he loves books, and he loves life. God has given him the ability-even at three-to love life. To take in each day. To appreciate the little things. To breathe deep, to laugh loud, and to love hard. Whatever he does, he does it well and with precision. He is not perfect, and I am learning not to expect him to be, but he tries hard to do his best. I don't know if there is anything sweeter than a love between a momma and her son. He makes me melt, he makes me laugh, and he makes me proud. I don't know how Mary did it, when she raised Jesus, knowing the end result of His life would be for a sinner like me. I don't know how, but I am thankful she did, and I am thankful for the example she set as a mother. I pray I will love Gage as she loved Jesus...every day, every way, and in every circumstance. I want to be his biggest fan, and I pray that one day when he chooses his wife, he will look for some of the same qualities he saw in me. I hope what he sees in Chris and I will one day put in him desire to have that same type of marriage...not for a LONG LONG time though!!

Sometimes life is hard, and life is busy, and life is stressful, but even in those times God whispers...you my child...are blessed beyond belief. It's not because we deserve it, or have earned it, its simply because God is so good!

18 weeks and growing...

Dear little one-

You are about the size of a bell pepper.

I haven't felt you move around yet, but am confident that you are because my belly is growing by the day to make room for your dance moves.

Your daddy has been very patient with my since school has started back (as he always is) but he has been especially tolerant of my ILL moods lately!

You have made the taste of tomatoes as sweet as candy, the crunch of a pickle (or three) taste like Heaven, and I am enjoying at least 2 bowls of Frosted Flakes a day...they're GREAT!

People are starting to stare at my belly and realize that there is a baby in there...it's not just too many burgers and fries after all.

Your big brother wants to know if you are going to eat his cheese balls, play with his dinosaurs, and if he can read to you when you get here.

The big question now is...are you a boy or a girl? Your daddy and I will be thrilled either way. Our main prayer is not for your gender, but for your health and safety. We find out in two weeks "what" you are, but more importantly we find out "how" you are. I can't promise you many things in this life, but just like I promised your big brother when he was growing in me...your daddy and I will love you with every ounce of our being. We will do our best to raise you the way the Lord wants us to. Deeper than our love will be and is the love of our Savior! We pray for the salvation for both you and Gage already, and are confident that God has big things planned.

I will see you in 2 weeks!

Mommy

I prayed for the perfect Summer...

and I got it!

I knew that this summer would be my last summer alone with Gage and I wanted it to be as great as it possibly could be. When Summer break comes around next year Gage will have a 4 month old little brother or sister, so this was his last year to have me all to himself. We had the best time together. He has got to be the funniest 2 (very soon to be 3) year old kid I have ever seen. You NEVER know what he is going to say next. I think what I love most about him though, is that he doesn't meet a stranger. He loves deep and he laughs hard!

We had both a fun and very productive summer break.

We attempted Tuesday story time at the library, but I have come to learn that if Gage can't hold the book or be right up close to it, he has NO interest. I think he may be a bit of a control freak!

We spent Wednesday mornings at his school reading books and making crafts with his friends and teachers. That was great fun, and I hope it gave Mrs. Fran and Mrs. Kijuana a little break!

Wednesday nights we spent in the Boddie Projects talking about Jesus, playing with friends, and passing out snow cones, popcorn, or cotton candy.

We had several play dates with our best friends Hollie and Rowan. These two boys together equal a big mess to clean and a sore belly from laughing so hard. I say it often, but I hope Gage and Row one day have the friendship Hollie and I have!

We swam with our friends Frank, Cathryn, Paige, Milo and Rudy...Gage LOVED it! They have always been dear friends, and I would be willing to bet that they will NEVER know the difference they have made in my life!

We had several lunch dates with our friend Stephanie...Gage loves to hang out with Stephanie, and her husband "Meester Wayne".

We also hung out with Becki, Jamie/Brayden, Jamie/Jameson/Joshua...in all of those different combinations of friends...we ate LOTS of Chick-fil-a...hey we even climbed to the TOP of the playground (and I do mean WE)!!!

We met daddy a few times for lunch and went to visit him at work so we could also see Mr. Stacy.

There were 3 beach trips for Gage, as well as trips to Powder Springs and Harlem. Both sets of grandparents made several trips to Milledgeville too! He was quite the traveler.

As much fun as Gage and I had on the go...my favorite times...were right here at home. The times where we wore our pajamas until we HAD to change clothes. The times we laid together on the couch watching "Thomas the train" and "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse". We had countless hours crashing cars, lining up trains, doing puzzles and reading books. I cannot begin to tell you how many blueberry muffins were consumed this summer, but the boy can put away some breakfast food! We would go from the living room, to his "big boy room" to the computer (when Nana was here), to "mommy and daddy's room" and back around again...one thing is for sure...Gage is always on the go. He wakes up early, and when he does, he is rEaDy to pLaY!

I cannot believe school starts tomorrow. I will begin my 8th year of teaching kindergarten at Putnam County Primary School. Time flies when you are having fun. I have been in Milledgeville for 11 years now! You know what? As AWESOME as this summer was for us, I always get excited about a new school year. This year will bring changes like none before it, but I know that God has called me to be where I am, and to do what I do, and for that I am very grateful.

Chris and I are also grateful that while we are at work-care is being provided for our little boy... care that is better than we could have ever hoped for. To Chris and I "The Learning Safari" is more than just a "day care facility". It is a place where Gage feels safe and is loved. He loves the workers and the children, and they love him too. It is more that just a place for him to stay while we work that provides meals, nap time, and a snack. It is a place of endless stories of friends he has made, things he has learned, and new toys/activities he has the chance to play with/take part in. Gage is partly who is because of this "home away from home" and Chris and I are thankful God sent us there. The innocence of a child can be stripped away in just seconds, so as parents you hope and pray that you are constantly making right decisions and doing the best you can for your child. This is not a perfect place, and it's not for every family, but it is definitely for the Brown's. Look out Mrs. Vet and Mrs. Nicole...you will have your hands full with Gage Brown. He will warm your heart, make you laugh, bring you challenges, and at the end of the day (or in my case at the end of the Summer) all you will be able to do is smile real big, hug him real tight, and kiss him on his sweet little cheeks!

Lord, thank you for this summer. It was truly perfect. You have done it again...you have blessed us beyond belief!

I have a heavy heart...

-for a childhood friend whose marriage is struggling. I haven't talked to her in a long time, but I hope that she knows that I am praying for her, her husband, and her two sweet babies.

-for the mother of 3 (this year will make 4) precious children I have taught. Doctors found a tumor in her husband's head this week, and he will have brain surgery tomorrow.

-for two special friends at work whose mother has been battling cancer, overcome so many odds, and is now facing rehab because of a recent fall that resulted in surgery.

-for two other special friends at work who will be making some MAJOR changes this year that we NEVER saw coming.

-for several friends who are desiring to get pregnant.

-for a friend whose husband's back is causing him a lot of trouble and pain and the doctors don't know what the cause is.

-for a friend who is struggling with a relationship.

-for a friend whose husband is praying about leaving his current job to possibly start a new career.

-for a friend whose husband has has some alarming symptoms, been to all of the "major hospitals" and no doctor can find the cause behind his ailment.

-for a long time friend of our family who battled cancer, won the fight, but continues to struggle with side effects from new medicines and constant infection.

-for a friend who has just graduated from college, has been on countless interviews, but none have resulted in a job offer.

-for a friend who is about to lose three people she loves dearly to a job change.

-for a local day care owner and her family who have lost more in the past few months than anyone should have to lose in a lifetime.

-for a college friend who lost her dad to a heart attack...they were so very close!

If I just stopped this post right here, with all of these situations, this would be pretty depressing read wouldn't it? It would sound as though I, and everyone on this list, was defeated. It would sound as though we have to just sit with heavy hearts, and let the chips fall where they may.

BUT GUESS WHAT?

We don't just sit and hope for the best, we can PRAY for the best. We can claim the best. We can talk to God HIMSELF and ask Him exactly what is best. What will happen with this marriage, this husband, and these friends? We can approach the throne of grace with confidence. As hard as these times are that my dear sweet friends are facing, none of these situations are a surprise to God. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He will not and cannot change. As big as the things are, He is oh so much bigger. He still works miracles! I have found that when we are faced with the unknown, or the odds are stacked against us, that is when He shines the most! My God likes to defy the odds!

As heavy as my heart is, it is also overflowing with thanksgiving that I have the opportunity to lift up my brothers and sisters in prayer! It is also our obligation to pray. How could we not? Think about the last time someone prayed for you...when people bless your life, like each of the people mentioned above continually bless mine...you can't help but talk to God on their behalf.

Brown...party of 4

Every day since I started blogging about Gage, I wondered how I would begin THIS VERY blog. I wondered if it would be labeled "Gage is going to be a big brother" or if I would have something clever to say, but my best friend Hollie said it best when she texted me "Brown party of 4."

As some of you may know it took Chris and I a year and a half to get pregnant with Gage, so naturally we were sure it would take just as long or longer the second go around. Well...actually...this time...it was only 4 months!! WOW! For those of you who have been pregnant before you know what I mean when I say "you just know". I knew the next week we were going to have a baby. I didn't say anything to anyone, but I just knew, but I definitely needed some proof. I was at the Dollar Tree buying two tests in May and I said to the lady "can you please bags these several times, I don't want my husband to see them. HA- you should have seen the look on her face. I quickly explained that IF there was in fact a baby in my belly my husband was DEFINITELY the daddy, but if there was not I didn't want us both to be disappointed. She smiled and said to keep her posted. I took both tests an hour apart and they both said the same thing- positive. I took one more just for good measure! This Thursday we will be 10 weeks along, and the time is already flying by.

In all of this excitement, there is also some cautious awareness that seems to never want to leave my ever thinking brain. We are about 10 weeks away from when we found out about Gage's CDH. Our doctor is sending us to our same specialist for the very same check up just to be on the safe side. Gage's CDH was a 1 in 250,000 chance, so its next to impossible for Baby #2 to have it...but that one little seed of doubt is all Satan needs to run wild and wide open...and boy does he! This pregnancy has been a lot different that my first one. So of course that makes me think and wonder things too...BUT...here are my thoughts for today...actually my thoughts for tonight after getting a sweet card from Chris and Gage that said "Step by Step and Day by Day...remember that we are supporting you...and it's all in HIS hands. WOW...so true, huh?

Gage was and is in those same Hands who are knitting this baby together.

What a blessing to not only get pregnant once, but twice!

God's plans are not our plans, nor are His ways our ways.

He has all of the "what if's" taken care of.

If there is something "wrong" with this baby, we know JUST the hospital to go to!

Whatever may come, good or bad, God will get the glory!

There are people, so many people, praying for our family...even as I am typing!

Gage is going to be a big brother...and he only had a "50% chance of living"

The more Satan tries to attack or plant seeds, the more people God sends at just the right time to say just the right things, just when I need to hear it! Thank you!

Step by Step, Day by Day, its all in His hands. Thank you Chris Brown for being the most precious gift God has ever given to me. If Gage grows up to be half the man you are, his wife will be one blessed woman. You always know the right thing to say (or not say), and you always take such good care of me. I love you more each day, and I can't wait to meet and begin our journey with our second baby!

We have always been, and still remain, blessed beyond belief!

Our home away from home...

One of the MANY things I LOVE about our church is that we are ministry and mission minded. We love to get together, but more often we love to get out and do things with and for others in our community. My particular love is our "remote" ministry. When my best friend, Hollie, and I came to SBC 10 years ago, we fell in love with a neighborhood by the name of "Boddy Projects". We rode a bus every Wednesday night and brought many, MANY, many kids to Sinclair. It was loud, crazy, rough, and at times, not so great...but we loved it. We loved riding the bus, we loved the kids, we tried to love their families, and we made many memories that will last a lifetime. As time went on, and things changed, we no longer ran the bus. There were still the faithful few that we picked up, and still do, but there were no more bussing kids in.

And then...the unthinkable happened...

Someone got the idea that we should take "church" to the neighborhood. WHAT? You can't have church outside the walls of a church, can you? Isn't this the way we have ALWAYS done it though? YES! IT IS! Our pastor OFTEN says, "If you keep doing what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten." He is so right. The remote ministry got off to a rough start, but a little over a year later Chris, Gage and I (and all of the people who help us) have made a lot of friends, loved on a lot of kids, and spent some precious and quality time in the neighborhood.

I love for Gage to ask if we are going to church, but I love even more when he asks when are going to see our "friends in the neighborhood". I also love to hear him say, "Mommy, I see Leroy, Squirrel, and Kenny." Tonight he met a lady named Peaches, and he is probably still laughing at how funny she is.

We pray that they see God in us. We pray that it's not taken as a "hand out", but rather, time spent between friends talking about Christ. Everyone learning from each other. Everyone growing together, and maybe, just maybe, if they don't know Christ, something we say or do will lead them to Him!

Do you ever...

have those days when you look at your "baby" and think...where did the time go? Do you ever let them stay up just a little later because you had a late day at work, took a while to cook dinner, and you just needed a little longer to soak it all up? Do you ever listen to the things they say and just laugh...right out loud...and so hard your sides hurt? Do you ever watch your husband watch your child and you just swell with happiness because you see the love he has for him? Do you ever look at your little one and wonder what is going on in that sweet little brain of his? Do you ever close your eyes and listen as your little man sings "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and....mommy what about orange, pink, purple and brown? Precious! Do you ever BEG God to keep them innocent as long as possible, and to draw them to Himself as early as possible? Do you ever just stop for a minute, push pause in this busy life, and thank God for the here and now? The right now? It's the simple things in life that make it all worthwhile! Today I am thankful I had a great Spring Break last week, I got to return to a great job that I LOVE, I got to catch up with Hollie and my momma on the phone. I am thankful for the chance to cook dinner with Chris while Gage played trains in the middle of the kitchen floor, go visit with Stephanie and Becki and then to top of the night Chris and I gave Gage a bath and put him to bed. It is a simple life, but I love it. May I never take a day for granted and may I always take time to thank for God for little things! Do you ever?

Sometimes you need a little S P A C E

So, for a week long stretch Gage had an out of body experience. He was on steroids and if he NEVER takes them again it will be too soon! He was "not himself" for several days but thankfully several weeks ago we had already planned a trip for him to go to his grandparent's house for the weekend. My father-in-law and his mom (I guess my grandmother-in-law) came Thursday from Harlem and followed Gage and I to the doctor for his check up. As it turned out he had a double ear infection and would need to begin antibiotics Thursday night. As Mr. Bob "Adda" and Grandma Brown "GG" drove Gage back with them to Harlem they stopped in Milledgeville for a burger, to pick up his meds, and off they went to Harlem. It was a LONG ride, but they finally made it.

Why would you ask them to follow you all the way to Macon you may ask? Well...also planned for this same Thursday night was a girl's night with my BFF, Hollie. So, Mr. Bob was nice enough to follow me to Macon so I wouldn't have to drive back in forth in one day or reschedule my time with Hollie. She picked me up from Gage's doctor and for the next 5 hours neither of us stopped talking. It was as if we were 16 years old walking down the halls of our high school. We talked about everything (and everyone) we could think of. I don't know if you have a friendship with someone like we have with each other, but its the through thick and thin, good times and bad, laughing and crying, no matter where we live we stay in touch...and on and on...thank kind of friendship. Here is what I love when I am with Hollie- we talk- we listen- we are open/honest/truthful/real- we are supportive- we are both Christian girls in love with our God, our husbands, and our sons. There is no doubt that when Hollie and I are 59 we will be sneaking some time away to spend with each other and catch up on the latest life happenings. I love this girl like my sister, and she is my forever friend!

As if Thursday night with Hollie wasn't enough...I had Friday, Saturday, and a good part of today baby free! Before you go getting all "mother of the year" on me, know that I needed some space from my sweet boy. I am a better mom because I work and I am a better wife and mom when I get some time to myself to do things I want to do and when I want to do them. I am so thankful for my parents and for Chris' parents who do so much for Gage and with Gage. I pray they know how much they mean to us!

All of that said to say...Chris and I had a great weekend. We met up for a late dinner on Friday night after I worked at school until about 7. Its amazing how much you get done when nobody is around! We woke up late Saturday and Chris went fishing with a friend and I watched a movie, worked on taxes, coached my last upward game, ate with my team, and then Chris and I hit the sack to get ready for church today. We enjoyed Sunday School and church this morning, lunch out today, and then grocery shopping!

By this time we are so ready to see Gage...and then...Whitney pulls up and I can hear him yelling our names from the backseat. It was priceless. Precious. So good to hear. There is nothing like hearing "Mommy" and "Daddy" when you haven't heard it in three days! He is back to his old self- thankfully- and the steroids are out of his system. He has a few more days on antibiotics, but nothing we can't handle.

Bottom line?

If you are at your breaking point, take some time, put some space between you and the thing/person for a few days. There is nothing wrong with some space...it did a world of good for me!

It could ALWAYS be worse...

If you are familiar with the movie "Pollyanna", then you are also familiar with the "glad game". This is a game my dad and I have played since I was a little girl. It goes something like this...

Person 1: breaks their arm

Person 2: says something clever like...it could be worse...atleast it wasn't both arms

Person 1: says something like I am just glad I have an arm to break, there are many who have no arms, or arms that are wounded...

You get the idea!

Well...today...I was reminded that perspective is VITAL in life. Let's take Gage for example. He has this horrible sounding cough with the runniest nose I have ever seen. None of have slept in days and we are all TiReD!!! We went to the doctor yesterday and she put him on steroids and breathing treatments. I don't know if you have ever seen a 2 year old on steroids, but use your imagination and multiply that by a million and there you have our son. Since he is "off", everything about him is off. His mood. His sleep. His breathing. His pottying. His....and on and on. He has driven me absolutely bonkers today and just as the benedryl kicked in this afternoon, and Gage and I were laying in his bed, I checked my email. There I found a link to a blog recommended by a friend of mine. For me, what it boiled down to was perspective.

This girls was singing a sob story because she hurt her foot and meanwhile a friend of hers with cancer was asking prayer for the mouth sores she was having to deal with during her 3rd round of chemo. WOW, right?

How quickly we lose sight of our blessings when things aren't going our way, or according to OUR (MY) plan. I was reminded today how it could be SO much worse in our household. Right now I am thankful for... a husband who shares the "burdens" at home, a little boy- not 100% though he may be- he is ours, medicine that will help him feel better and faster, a day off of work to take care of him, and mostly I am thankful that I am praying for

his sleep...

as opposed to his life!

You know what I was also reminded of today? Even in Philly while praying for Gage's life, it could have been so much worse then too.

Bottom line?

Perspective- we could all use a better one from time to time. However, no matter what ours is, God's never changes, and nor does He. The same God that is with the girl's hurt foot, is with the girl who has cancer, was and is with Gage, and is or wants to be with you! What is your perspective on a God who sent His only son to die so that you and I might live, and live abundantly? I am overwhelmed with his love, mercy, and grace!

A good message...

What did I get out of church today?

I need to GROW UP...spiritually speaking! Children do childish things and like children should, but as adults, we need to act like we are such. Not just adults, but Christian adults, set apart by God, to show the world there is a difference in us!

I was given a measure of grace by God...not for myself, but to pour out on others. When that grace "runs out", God is right there with more, and more, and more. I was reminded of how much grace has been given to me, who am I not to share mine with other people?

I was called to L O V E my brothers and sisters in Christ. Not judge them. Not listen to gossip about them, or spread it about them. Not "keep my distance" in an order to be safe. Not contribute to making our church looking like the world, but to help make church a safe place, a place for healing and helping. I am convinced that what the "world" wants to see is ONE thing. They want to see someone who walks their talk. We have heard it a million times, but it is so true. They don't want someone who can tell them how spiritual they are, how many times they read the Bible through or went to church. What does this matter if we don't have love? If we are so head smart, but heart stupid, is God impressed? The answer I was reminded of today...no! It's now about the songs we sing, the time our services start, the programs we have, the things we agree or don't agree on...its about 2 things...loving God and loving people.

I told Chris today. I am over it. I am ready to grow up. I am ready to draw a line in the sand at work and at school. When things don't go my way. Grace. When I don't agree. Grace. When people make me mad. Grace. When I hear the latest rumor. Grace. I want Chris to have a wife and Gage to have a mom that is too busy giving grace to stop and make it her job to judge or condem. I want people to tell them- wow God is all over her. I can tell she loves her God, loves her family, and loves other people. I don't want to be distracted by things that don't matter, but rather I want to love and extend the grace that is so freely given to me time after time after time. Chris said, let's pray for that conviction that you will be ever aware of that attitude that you have, and the one that you desire.

I am praying.

I am ready to do some growing.

Thanks Andy! Awesome message today!

What have we been up to at our house?

Dear Baby Nursery-

I can still remember the smell of the fresh blue paint that Mr. Bob and Mrs. Kay painted on your on your walls. I remember going to pick out furniture with my mom back home. I can also remember getting our bedding...from the most unlikely place (my pal Megan's dad randomly picked it up at an auction and I LOVED it). I also remember when Hollie stumbled across the website to find all the "stuff" to match the bedding. I remember Tammy painting the details on Gage's name and book basket. I remember FINALLY deciding on a chair...oh the chair...many days and nights of rocking, many books read, and many times just sitting and watching Gage from that chair! I remember coming home from Philadelphia with my sweet new bundle of joy and him sleeping in his bed the very first night he was home. Its funny now, but it wasn't then, the first time I messed up his medicine and he puked all over Hollie- on that nice clean carpet- little did I know that would be my first of MANY mistakes. I am told I will make a lifetime of them as a mother. Gage had many firsts in you, sweet baby nursery. You have been good to him. It is time though to say goodbye to you. My sweet 7 week old that we brought home is now 29 months old. He is a "big boy" and in need of a "big boy room". He needs room to stretch his long legs and a place he can have new "firsts" in. The walls are still that same "baby blue" but everything else has changed. Our soft colors have been traded in for primary colors and our sweet frogs replaced with monster trucks. Our diaper genie has been replaced with a trash can (potty training is going GREAT...for this weekend anyway). I say goodbye to you nursery but welcome the next phase we are entering for it means many things. It means that God has had His hand on Gage for these 29 months and is holding all of Gage's organs in place-right where they belong. It means he is healthy and growing. It means that there is a storage building full of baby furniture that may be used again sometime- Lord willing. It means that Chris and I are blessed far beyond what we deserve. It means every time we walk in this special room of our home, we will always remember what is started as, and one I am learning right now...Gage will always be our baby!!

Baby its cold outside!

The "snow" was really too crunchy to play in...

We didn't have any friends outside to go sledding with...

but isn't that the cutest little snowman you have ever seen???

Christmas 2010...it was a good one!

This had to be the most relaxing and enjoyable two weeks of my life! Chris and I either had off or took of this time to with our families, and man what a blessing it was! We spent the first half with the LaFavor's, the second half with the Brown's and the last "leg" at home reorganizing for all of the goods we brought home. Below are just a FEW of the MANY times we shared this season with our family!

Have you seen our cowboy??

Gage's grandma (aka Namaw) spotted these boots and knew immediately

Gage had to have them...and what cowboy has boots and no vest?

Gage is sporting his daddy's hat...isnt' he precious??

I love this sweet little cowboy!!!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...