Out with the old and in with the new...

What has 2014 taught and/or reminded me?

Listening more and talking less isn’t as easy as it sounds. We give our opinions WAY too freely…especially when they’re not asked.

There are a lot of hurting people. Everywhere.

Every day we have the opportunity to be one of two things…a lesson or a blessing.

No matter your race or political stance, what is going on in our country right now is sad, hard, and unfortunate.

Watching someone you love fight cancer is hard, and wanting to change things, lots of things, for them is harder.

Friends, true ones, are hard to come by.

To have a friend you have to be a friend.

Sometimes the answer is no. No I can’t come. No I don’t want to. No I won’t be there. No I can’t help you. No I don’t have any extra money to give or time to share.

But sometimes the answer is yes! Discernment will tell you which is which. That is when God whispers in your ear…so listen!

Family is a treasure. Whether they are blood relatives or whether you meet together on Sunday evenings over a bowl of cereal or a plate of whatever you brought that night, if you have them, you are blessed.

Family is also another word for friendship. 

To be successful, accountability is key.

Success is a relative term.

Chris and I are not normal. We’re not. We’ve known this for a while now, and the older we get, the more evident it becomes. We like not being normal…it’s who we are and we don’t make excuses for that. Not anymore.

I love my job and the people I work with. They give until there is nothing left to give. They are Jesus in skin, and even we argue over silly things, at the end of the day, lessons are learned and blessings are earned.

Exercising and eating right is hard. It’s a choice. A commitment. If you don’t, you gain weight and feel like…bleh! If you do, you don't. Sounds like a no brainer.

Discipleship is one of my most favorite things that our church offers. Closely followed by our ladies nights out, and life group! Getting involved and feeling a sense of belonging is a choice. The opportunities are there, sometimes you just have to take them.

Taking pride in what you have and in the things God blesses you with is different than being prideful.

When you have a devotion time with your little boy at night and pray together, you learn way more than he does.

Talking to people from your past that you aren’t close friends with will prove to offer encouragement, challenges, and perspective. For this reason I am very thankful for Facebook.

If you have to tell everyone how great you are chances are you're not

Praying is a privilege, not an obligation.

So…bring on 2015. Ready or not, here it comes, right? Whether you believe in setting goals, or you just take life as it comes, (Stephanie Welch) another year is coming. For me, God willing, 2015 will end my 11^th year teaching and begin by 12^th. It will send my kindergarten son to the 1^st grade and my little one to Head Start. It will be the year I celebrate 15 years since high school graduation and 10 years of marriage. I pray it also brings an end to cancer for my brother and sends him (and many others) into remission. While those are just a few things that may or may not come to pass, this next bit I know for a fact:

God was, He is, and He is to come. Nothing surprises Him or shakes Him. He doesn’t have to defend what is going on in the world or why things happen to certain people the way they do. He loves us, oh how He loves us. We cannot mess up His plans. We cannot rush them or slow them down either. He is enough. Period. He wants us to be more that we could have ever thought possible…not for our good…but for His glory. He was born to die, and we are alive to tell it. He will always provide. Always. He loves our boys more than we could ever dream, and He loves us that much too. 

Make no mistake though; contrary to popular demand, He is not all butterflies, sunshine, rosebuds and fluff. He. Is. Just. If you are His child He will discipline. If there is a wrong, He will bring conviction.  Following Him will not make your life easy. I know that doesn’t preach well on TV, but it’s what His word promises. Hard times WILL come, but greater is He that is in us that he that is in the world. Because He loves us, He cannot and will not leave us to ourselves.

So, Christian friends, we believe this or we don’t. I personally believe that talk is cheap. I grew up under the belief system of “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” People want to believe something, why not give them a true picture of the God we serve. Get your hands dirty, serve others, pray, and walk it out. Life is short. We get one chance, and we have today.

Dear 2015…let’s do this!

Happy birthday...little miracle!

September 4, 2008 Robert "Gage" Brown was born.

Our first family picture.

My first time holding my sweet boy...he was several weeks old!

Get. On. The. Plane....

It happens every year...starting on August 29th...my mind runs through a play-by-play...day-by-day...detail by detail...of all the events that led up to Gage's birth. If you know me at all you have probably heard and/or read this story too many times to count. There is no way I can blog it, journal it, or tell it enough to do it justice...all the grace, mercy, and specific detail that God took the time to put in place so that we could see it was ALL for Him, by Him, about Him and to bring Him glory. I will never be able to thank Him enough...but I will spend the rest of my life trying...

June 2008- Gage was diagnosed with CDH, Congenital Diaphragmatic hernia (there was a hole in his diaphragm and his intestines, spleen, and appendix were all in his chest cavity...and his liver was not sure if it wanted to join the other misplaced organs). Our doctor in Milledgeville referred us to a doctor in Macon, and the doctor in Macon told us about CHOP- the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 

WHAT?

Ok...breathe in…we can do this! With God all things are possible!

June 2008- we made our first trip to Philadelphia (on our first plane ride EVER)

July 2008- we made our second trip to Philadelphia

August 2008-we made our third trip to Philadelphia. This trip is when we nailed down some dates and details for "temporary relocating to Philadelphia". Gage was due on October 9th. They wanted me there no later than Monday, September 22nd.

August 25th...9:30 PM...I started bleeding...and we headed to Macon and were there through August 27...the bleeding stopped even though there was no explanation for why it started to begin with.

August 28- back to Macon...more bleeding. My doctor called Philadelphia...they said stay in Georgia and call after Labor Day weekend...wait it out and just see what happens. When (and if) I do come...it will be best to drive. My doctor in Macon said...I can't tell you what to do...but G O and go NOW!

Friday August 29- mom and I hopped a plane to Philly (yep...against medical advice...not only did we come when they said stay...we flew to boot).

Friday August 29-Tuesday September 2nd- we stayed in a hotel in Philadelphia waiting on Labor Day weekend to pass. If we never see another Diner or another Denny's we will be just fine! I DrEaDeD calling Denise- the head nurse over all things as far as I knew- and the one who told me to stay put. After the initial SHOCK that we came anyway...she got us a room at the Ronald McDonald House in Camden, New Jersey. We couldn't get a room at the RMHouse near CHOP because Gage was not yet born. She also made us an appointment for the following day. Did I mention that I did not bleed the entire stay at the hotel, but started again the morning of my appointment??

Wednesday September 3rd- We went to our appointment. The midwife tells us that I am dilated 3 cm and 75% effaced. I, of course, have no clue what this means. She smiles and says...this baby will be here soon. WHAT???!!! Soon like I need to call Chris soon, or soon like this week? When??? We rock on for a few hours and nothing changes. They debate whether to admit me or not. They decide to go ahead and keep me, and "sure...go ahead and call you husband...we just hate for him to come for nothing". I call him...he leaves work and "packs". I call my sister-in-law. Whitney...is there ANY way you can go to my house, pack your brother, get him a plane ticket, and take him to the airport? Yes? Ok...thanks! She will never know what blessing she was, is, and will always be! Chris arrives around 9:30 PM and nothing has changed still. The midwife and doctor come in, apologize for getting him on a plane, wish us a good night sleep, and give us a run down for the morning.

Thursday September 4th...Early in the morning...I am not feeling so good. I tell mom and she calls the nurse. The nurse checks me and all is well...except not two minutes later I said...uhhh mom...I am pretty sure my water just broke. If you know Ramona LaFavor, then you know that she is the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. She lifts of the covers, smiles and simply says, I think I will just page the nurse. Well...it wasn't water...it was blood. It wasn't a little...it was a LOT! It was so much so that in less that 5 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and Chris was looking like the Michelin tire man with his white suit on. I was scared, but calm. I was unsure, but certain. God was here. He was RIGHT here. He was here in the form of doctors, nurses, my mom, and my sweet precious husband. God formed that baby with not a mistake in mind and He was gonna complete this good work he started...Gage came a few minutes later. His sweet cry of "I'm here" is all we heard. We didn't see him, hold him, touch him or look at him right away. The OB passed him on to the next group of doctors and nurses who would take him and hook him up to what seemed like a million tubes and machines to ensure that he would have EVERY chance at this precious thing we call life. We later learned it was touch-and-go but that Gage was a "fighter" and was clearly not going to give up! You got that right! 

That night the same doctor and midwife from the previous night who apologized for sending for Chris stood at my bedside in amazement without explanation of how PERFECT everything just went. They went on to tell us that had they sent me "home" that night to the Camden RMHouse and had I abrupted (that's what happened to me and why all the bleeding the previous week) in Camden (not 10 miles from CHOP) that the ambulance would not have been able to cross the bridge to get me to CHOP and I would not have been able to deliver there. 

God.is.in.every.detail.  He.does.not.miss.a.thing.

September 9th...5 short days after his birth...Gage had surgery to repair his CDH. There was not enough diaphragm there to sew it back together (imagine the opening of a balloon and sewing it shut) so they had to sew his tissue to a gortex patch and it would act as his diaphragm and as he grows this tissue will grow to the patch and it will act as part of his missing diaphragm. Amazing. Simply amazing. 

For the next 5 weeks God never stopped. He sent family. He sent friends. He sent care package after care package. He sent money, food, and encouragement beyond all explanation. He put it on the hearts of SO many to pray...and that they did! We got to hold Gage several weeks after he was born. He had good days and not so good days and so did we. Chris, mom, and I...the 3 amigos...the NICU all-stars...we have some pretty amazing memories!

October 14th...5 weeks after his surgery...and 5 days after his original due date...we came home!

What an amazing journey. I hope and pray I NEVER get tired of recalling as many details as I can. I hope that Gage will one day soon see that scar across his belly and come to know the One who allowed him to live. It is our prayer that one day he can tell his story so that people will hear HIS story! I am thankful that as another August came and went it meant that was one more healthy year for Robert Gage Brown. We were surrounded by people in the NICU who were not as fortunate with the same outcome, and we pray we never forget what God has done! 

Gage turns 6 years old on Thursday! This is his third year at my school and he LOVES his kindergarten class and teachers! He talks to anyone and everyone who will listen. He loves life. He loves to laugh. He loves all things trains, cars, and animals. He can run, swim, and jump on a trampoline and his lungs don't even know that they were, at one point in time, not properly functioning. Gage is tenderhearted and yet as stubborn as a mule. He appreciates routine, order, and organization (which I tend to LOVE about him). He is a great big brother and friend to Carter. He L O V E S a book and at the end of the day...wants to take his bath, snuggle up, and end his day like any other "normal" little boy. He sees a lung specialist once a year, but other than that, if you didn't see the scar, you wouldn't know anything was ever "wrong" with him. 

Lord- 

We don't know why you chose us to raise such precious boys but we thank you for entrusting us to do so. You are too good to us. You have done and continue to do more than we could ever ask or imagine. You are full of grace and mercy toward us. May we NEVER forget all that you have done for us. We thank you for blessing us FAR beyond belief!    

Marriage these days...

I came across the song, Broken Together (click on it to hear it) this week, and it confirmed what my heart had been wanting and needing to do...blog!

When I think of the word “marriage” many words flood my mind and in no particular order… Commitment. Forever. Selflessness. Hard times. Good times. God. Laughter. Talking. Love. Sex. Best friend. Finances. Church. House. Home. Kids. Secrets. Respect. Faithful. Sacred. Prayer. The thought that “out of all of the people in the world, you chose me.”

However, lately, it seems instead the words are more like… Selfishness. Infidelity. Sneaking. Disrespect. No shame. ME ME ME!

Just be perfectly honest, because that is the only way I know to be, it breaks my heart. It makes me sad. It makes me sick. I don’t understand it. I HATE Satan. He and he alone is the author of dysfunction, denial, distress, disobedience, and defeat.

I know that I only bring 9 years of marriage experience to the table, but 9 years these days is more like a lifetime. In our 9 years, Chris and I have not only been served peaches and cream, we have also faced things we hope nobody ever has to endure, but we faced them together. We are a team. We came out better on the other side.

What happened to saying “I do” and really meaning it? When did it become all about ME and what I want? And why do you not want your husband or wife? When did it change from commitment to convenience? We (as married people) gave our word to God that we would love this person that He created and chose just for us. What happened to talking things through, praying about it, and trying to make it better? How do you “fall out love?” Besides all of this, you have KIDS now, what about them? When you get married, it’s no longer about you, and when you have kids, it’s certainly not about you! Grow up, just grow up.

Life is real. It is hard. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a flippant decision. You don’t get to expect Barbie when you aren’t Ken…nor do you get Mother Teresa when you aren’t a striving Billy Graham (all figuratively speaking of course). It is NOT about YOU! Appearances are not reality…they are just that…appearances. Don’t pity the fat wife because you are certain she wishes she were skinny, and don’t envy the skinny wife because she must be happy. REAL life is not a picture in a magazine. Life is full of real people. Choices. Consequences. Tears. Regrets.

But you know what?

Life can also be full of happiness and joy. There are rewards and good times too. No, there is no magic formula that if you do X and Y then you will get Z, but when the hard times do come, there is no greater blessing than peace. A peace that passes understanding. A peace that comes only from knowing our Lord Jesus personally. He promises that when we draw close to Him, He will draw close to us. We are so quick to point our finger at our spouse. They did it. It’s all their fault. I did nothing wrong. There are times when this is true, but speaking from experience in my marriage, there have always been 2 sides to every story. When I am respectful, generally speaking, he is more loving.

(“Love and Respect” by, Emerson Eggerichs).

Is your marriage struggling? Get help! Talk to someone. Get counseling. God can do AMAZING things and restore broken…so very broken…marriages! I have SEEN it with my own eyes and heard about it with my own ears!

Are you consumed with you? What you want? What you need? YYYYOOOUUU? Stop it! Who do you think you are? Are you someone you would want to be around? If not, chances are, nobody else wants to be around you either. It’s not about you! Become who God created you to be, not who you feel like being or who you think you deserve to be.

To the ones who made it through. God has restored your broken marriages. Praise Him and thank Him! Use your story to bring Him glory. Reach out to others who are broken and show them what God did for you. What an amazing encouragement you are to me and what an awesome testimony you carry!

To the one left to pick up the pieces. Your marriage is over. You are divorced. You did all you could do, and still, here you are. Probably, at times, very lonely and sad. Wow. It is for you I have the utmost respect. I don’t know how you do it. You play the role of mom and dad. You have risen above your circumstance and have chosen to become better rather than bitter. When I talk to you (and there are so many “yous”) you don’t down your ex, but instead you praise our Lord for strength, and the opportunity to begin again. You, my friends, make me proud to call you friend and sister. I pray that as you teach your kids about Christ they see Him in you…just like I do!

To the rest of us. Commit and communicate. Make time for each other and listen to one another. Your thing may be cleaning and organizing and his may be music and working out, but be interested. Ask questions. Stick together. Good or bad. Hang on tight. Pray together, pray for each other, and pray for marriages in general. Satan is out to destroy what God has created to be so sweet and sacred, do NOT give him a foothold. Love him (or her) more than you love yourself, show them respect, and give God all the glory!

It's been a while...

Since I was a little girl I have loved to keep a journal. I have every secret documented in full detail from the 6th grade through my second year of college...after that it's been hit or miss...but I still like to go back and remember. I don't consider myself a "writer" but rather a collector of life lessons. Lessons I can share with others, and lessons I can go back and remember for myself.

It seems lately, in my life, the buzz word is "real." Everyone wants people to be real. No faking, no "I'm great, how are you"...just real. So, in an effort to "keep it real", here are some things I have been reminded of/learned, in no particular order, over the past 6-8 months.

People want the end result, but don't want to do the work to get there.

(When I say "people", that includes me too)

It's a lot easier to say something than do it.

It's also a lot easier to point out the faults in others than to admit we have some and then fix our own.

Everyone is anxious about something, and nobody is above being reminded of that at any.given.moment.

Focus on the positive and be thankful for what you have. You never know if the person you are complaining to just might have it worse off than you do!

Marriage is hard. It's not a game. God didn't promise it would be easy. Marriages fail every.single.day. People who go to church also cheat on their spouses, they disrespect them, they don't love them, they are selfish, they lie, they cover up, and the try to act like it's ok. Based on the above statement, apparently "church" isn't the answer for marriages gone bad (or good for that matter)...God is the answer. The fixer. The glue. He is there for the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Chris and I refuse to lie to our kids to make things "easier" for them. In the real world you don't get a "participation" trophy. You don't get to "move your clothespin back to green" if you behave and say you are sorry. You don't get to have something simply because you like it, want it, because someone else has it, or because of your race or sex. You, my sweet sons, are not entitled. There will always be someone better, smarter, faster, etc...so...just be the best "you" you can be. Nobody can be a better you than you can be! There will be consequences for your actions, and your dad and I will beat your bottom if you continue to disobey the rules. It's called love and it's called parenting. Until you grow up and have your own family, we will not be friends, we will be your parents. You don't have to like it or agree with it...we are doing what is commanded by God. Something else that we will do is join with the church in raising you. We will not expect you to learn everything you need to there and at school. We will do our best to do our part at home...that is where it begins, right? Our prayer is that the Bible stories you learn there will be a review of what we have taught you at home, not the other way around. We are the church. It's not a building, it's a people. We take church everywhere we go...even to the neighborhood. Dear boys, you are no better than anyone, and you will be friends with everyone. You will do this not because we make you, but because, it is our prayer that we will lead by example, just as your grandparents did for us!

Faith does not bring healing, God does. When something you pray for doesn't come to fruition, it's not because you lack faith, nor is it because God "picks and chooses" who He will answer, it's because He is God and we are not. We don't have to agree with it, or like it, but once you choose to believe it, it's very freeing. Once you believe that He will strengthen you, come whatever, that is when your faith becomes "real."

Heaven is real, and so is Hell. There is but ONE way to Heaven, and the choice is yours. When God calls you and draws you to Himself and gives you the opportunity to pray and ask Him to forgive your sins and to live in your heart for all eternity, that and only that will secure your place in Heaven.

Once "saved" , "a daughter or son of God" (whatever Sunday School term you want to place there) it does not mean you will not face hardships. In fact, it's quite the opposite. God promises hard times. If everything were easy, we would not need Him and His word would be a lie. So...let's be real for a minute. Life is hard. People are mean. Bad things happen to good people. Life is not fair. "I go to church, I serve, I work, I raise my family right, I tithe..." but... My parents used to always say "but what" there are no buts! You are for God and you believe it, or you are against God and you don't. That said, let's try to make a choice, because living "lukewarm" is really confusing our non-Christian friends. If we act just like the world, why would they ever see a need to "cross over" to the other side? I am not saying you have to put your business on the street, just don't lie to people. Chris says he wishes that once, just once, when he asks someone how they were doing they would say "terrible (edited), how are you?" Keep that in mind if he ever asks how you are doing :)

When was it decided that it's more important to be politically correct that to tell the truth. God has shown me that it's much more important to be honest (yet still respectful) than to lie and keep people happy. He did not create us to be happy. He created us to love and serve. We were placed here for 2 reasons...to love God and to love people. Somewhere we have lost sight of that and instead this is our thought process...love self and be served. No wonder our world is upside down!

I have tried to begin at school, church, home, and anywhere else I go to concern myself with only things that directly effect me, and to be sure it is something that I can do something about. Gone are the days (for the most part) when I just sit and complain or become uptight over things I have absolutely no control over. We are given today. That's it. Today. We can use it, or we will lose it. If you wasted your yesterday, do better with your today!

People can agree to disagree on things that are not non-negotiable. Let's stop majoring on the minors. Let's stop worrying what other people ARE doing (and checking them off on our list of sins committed by people who go to church) and start worrying about what we are NOT doing. Chris' philosophy is if you have time to worry about his sin, you probably are not tending to your own. This isn't to say that we aren't called to, in love, hold each other accountable...this is just saying...don't judge me because I sin differently that you. 

So...why the novel? 

Just be real. Love God and love people. Take care of your marriage. Take care of your own "stuff." Don't paint a picture for others to see that is really a lie and is killing you to paint because it is not really your reality. Live out your reality. Tell the truth...in love. Love God, love people. Be happy! We should be a grateful people, for have been very blessed (not just with material goods) but with a hope and peace that passes all understanding. Don't join in the conversations of "the world is going to Hell in a handbasket" take a stand and make a difference!

You (and I) have but today...use it wisely!

***Disclaimer: Several sayings were taken from Jeff Simmons, e cards, or Tina Gillian (via ecard). Thanks!

We. Are. Done.

It was about year ago that Chris and I decided that we were just about done with "church". It wasn't your usual laundry list of "why I don't want to go to church". We didn't care about the carpet color, the worship music, or even that we were surrounded by hypocrites (we actually found ourselves in good company). It was basically one thing...we had lost sight of what really mattered and what church was really all about. We got BUSY and called ourselves serving. We wanted what was best for our family and called ourselves Godly examples. We said yes to everything and called ourselves involved in the local body. We became critical and bitter and called ourselves spiritual. This is not to say that we were completely in the wrong for disagreeing with some of the things that were taking place, but that blog has flown the coop and would benefit no one! Today it's not about pointing fingers, but rather about grace. God's amazing grace. It was a year ago that we said, ok God, we'll give it another try. We know you are calling us away from a place that is so near and dear to our hearts, and we need a fresh perspective. We will go.

I remember that first Sunday like it was yesterday. I cried the entire service. I looked at the simplicity around me and I cried. I listened to these people around me sing their hearts out and I cried. I heard this man in blue jeans and a t-shirt claim to be the preacher (but this could not be so, he was not in a suit and tie). I listened to his heart and looked past his attire, and my heart was softened. I looked at Chris- his happy/sad/glad/made face in tact, and I knew he felt it too. Healing. Not just a band aid...no...this was surgery. God started a work that day. He began to slowly start removing the things that had gotten us so down. God began to show us that though this is not the type of church we were raised in, this was the one He wanted us to raise our boys in. It's not a perfect place, but it's our place. It's our home. These people are our family.

It is only fitting that today, one year later, the service was focused on "worship". We are often reminded at Church Central that worship is more that songs on Sunday. It is our lifestyle. When you are a home, you worship. When you are at school (work), you worship. When you are at the store...you get the idea! Today's sermon contained words like "motive" and "priorities." The question was asked "Is your faith built on the Rock or on your circumstances?  Do we worship, or do we miss it? Are we so caught up in the "stuff" that we don't hear (or sing) the "song"? We look for "it" rather that God. The "its" will change, but HE will not. He cannot! Can we worship how BIG God is just because He's God?!? Let's let our yes be yes and our no be no. If we say no to the things that don't matter, when we say yes it will be more meaningful.

Bottom line? What have we learned during this transitional year of our lives at Church Central of Milledgeville, Ga?

1. Bring them in, build them up, send them out.

2. It's not about us!

3. Worship is not a song, it's a lifestyle.

4. Love is about loving from the inside out, not the outside in.

5. Simple. is. better.

6. Not being "in charge" has its perks!

7. Just because its not "the way we've always done it" doesn't make it wrong!

8. From Bonner Park to The Boddie Projects and from The Soup Kitchen all the way to Jamaica...God is there...and so are people from CC!

9. Discipleship...it's following Christ and taking somebody with you.

10. Life groups...that is where you live life with people, share your stories AND you serve others!

There are about 100 more things I could write here, but I will close with this...

What we long sight of a year ago...

Love God, love people!

You gotta know when to hold em'...

know when to fold em'
know when to walk away
know when to run.

Who knew that those four short little lines said so very much? My sweet, wise, precious husband quotes them often (and usually in reference to something I am facing or dealing with)!

Here is my week in a nutshell and why I wished last week a big ole' fat GOODBYE!

Dear God,
I can't!
I'm tired. Exhausted.
Life, and all of the extra stuff it brings, is kicking my butt.
I miss you.
I miss my church. I haven't been in weeks...there is ALWAYS "something".
I miss my family. Again, there is ALWAYS "something".
I miss my house. Things are so busy, I haven't seen it much lately.

So, this week, after a good ole' CRY, and lots of prayer...I quit holding "it". I folded it, I began walking, and then I RAN (figuratively, of course).

I was reminded of these truths...

I can't but HE can!
I am tired because I have been trying to operate in MY strength and not HIS!
There will always be "extra stuff", and I need to prioritize, and adopt some balance. I could also use some perspective! I need to make time for what is most important, and let the other stuff GO. If I don't, church will rock on without me, my boys will be grown, and my house will not be a home, but simply a place where we sleep. This is not the life I desire, but rather the one I refuse to call mine!

So, each day got a little better this week. Each day my "to do list" got a few things crossed off here and there.

Today, however, was the highlight! I got to spend the day with the three sweetest and most handsome boys in Milledgeville, Ga. Chris was proud we came to see him. Gage was excited to see his daddy at work. Carter, as always, was just happy to be with us! Tomorrow I get to go to church. I get to see my church family. I get another afternoon at home with my boys. As a family we get to spend time with friends at Boddie Projects...and as if God were in charge of this crazy thing called life, I have Monday OFF. A day to rest, relax, and recharge. Right on time!

All of that said to say this...my list of "life lessons" has continued to grow!

Close your eyes and breathe deep.

Only say things that will benefit those around you, and keep the rest to yourself.

 Do what you can do, and let the rest go. If it really NEEDS to get done, it will.

God is for us, not against us...often times, we are against ourselves.

God is sweet to teach us life lessons, even if they are hard ones.

I am a blessed girl...blessed FAR beyond belief!

I am the leper

I am unworthy. I am dirty (usually both inside and out). I am in need of mercy and grace...constantly!

That said...I long to be the ONE! Of the 10 lepers God healed that day, only one returned to give thanks to the God who made him clean and sealed him with the stamp of "worthy". Only one came back, unashamed, not caring what the other 9 did or thought. This "one" was not wrapped up in the lives of the other nine but rather his concern was finding "the only One" that really mattered!

That said...here is where I am right now...I'm not the one but I'm not the 9...I'm somewhere between (I believe
the word is lukewarm). I am thankful to God for all He is and all He has done, but (change of direction), lately I find myself comparing myself to the 9...

**I don't pray enough.
**I don't read the Bible enough.
**I don't cook enough.
**I hate to exercise.
**I don't love to clean.
**I stay at school way too late.
**I forget to tell Chris how great he is.
**I, at times, grow impatient with crying 2 an 5 year olds.
**I am the first to say I don't care what other people say or think but am the first to play mind games with myself and replay what that person "really" meant.

All while convincing myself I have it all together! I like to believe I have others fooled too, and some may be, but those who know me best know this is what I do. I smile and "it's fine" myself until I'm exhausted. Until I have a bad attitude. Until I snap at my sweet boys who just want to play. Until I am short with my husband. Until, until, until...I hear my pastor offer some encouragement this morning...I'm not sure his exact words, but this is what I heard.

-Be the one.
-Say "thank you, God"
-Give 100%.
-Worship in every area of your life.
-God saved us, THAT is what matters, not the 9!

So, when Jeff was done, here is what God said,

**When you pray, worship me.
**When you read, worship me.
**Whether you are making hot dogs, chicken nuggets, or "real food", worship me.
**As you "exercise" aka walk down those LONG halls at school, worship me.
**When you wipe the toliet seat with a baby wipe as opposed to a clorox wipe, worship me.
**While you work, worship me.
**When you praise Chris, you worship me.
**When you are loving on, reading to, playing with or discipling those boys, worship me.
**You worship me, I will take care of the other 9.

So, there it is. I don't usually put it out there for you to read, but writing it makes me accountable!

This week, I will try hard to be the one. 

I will also try, in all things, to worship God. He is what matters.