Marriage these days...

I came across the song, Broken Together (click on it to hear it) this week, and it confirmed what my heart had been wanting and needing to do...blog!

When I think of the word “marriage” many words flood my mind and in no particular order… Commitment. Forever. Selflessness. Hard times. Good times. God. Laughter. Talking. Love. Sex. Best friend. Finances. Church. House. Home. Kids. Secrets. Respect. Faithful. Sacred. Prayer. The thought that “out of all of the people in the world, you chose me.”

However, lately, it seems instead the words are more like… Selfishness. Infidelity. Sneaking. Disrespect. No shame. ME ME ME!

Just be perfectly honest, because that is the only way I know to be, it breaks my heart. It makes me sad. It makes me sick. I don’t understand it. I HATE Satan. He and he alone is the author of dysfunction, denial, distress, disobedience, and defeat.

I know that I only bring 9 years of marriage experience to the table, but 9 years these days is more like a lifetime. In our 9 years, Chris and I have not only been served peaches and cream, we have also faced things we hope nobody ever has to endure, but we faced them together. We are a team. We came out better on the other side.

What happened to saying “I do” and really meaning it? When did it become all about ME and what I want? And why do you not want your husband or wife? When did it change from commitment to convenience? We (as married people) gave our word to God that we would love this person that He created and chose just for us. What happened to talking things through, praying about it, and trying to make it better? How do you “fall out love?” Besides all of this, you have KIDS now, what about them? When you get married, it’s no longer about you, and when you have kids, it’s certainly not about you! Grow up, just grow up.

Life is real. It is hard. Marriage is not a game. It’s not a flippant decision. You don’t get to expect Barbie when you aren’t Ken…nor do you get Mother Teresa when you aren’t a striving Billy Graham (all figuratively speaking of course). It is NOT about YOU! Appearances are not reality…they are just that…appearances. Don’t pity the fat wife because you are certain she wishes she were skinny, and don’t envy the skinny wife because she must be happy. REAL life is not a picture in a magazine. Life is full of real people. Choices. Consequences. Tears. Regrets.

But you know what?

Life can also be full of happiness and joy. There are rewards and good times too. No, there is no magic formula that if you do X and Y then you will get Z, but when the hard times do come, there is no greater blessing than peace. A peace that passes understanding. A peace that comes only from knowing our Lord Jesus personally. He promises that when we draw close to Him, He will draw close to us. We are so quick to point our finger at our spouse. They did it. It’s all their fault. I did nothing wrong. There are times when this is true, but speaking from experience in my marriage, there have always been 2 sides to every story. When I am respectful, generally speaking, he is more loving.

(“Love and Respect” by, Emerson Eggerichs).

Is your marriage struggling? Get help! Talk to someone. Get counseling. God can do AMAZING things and restore broken…so very broken…marriages! I have SEEN it with my own eyes and heard about it with my own ears!

Are you consumed with you? What you want? What you need? YYYYOOOUUU? Stop it! Who do you think you are? Are you someone you would want to be around? If not, chances are, nobody else wants to be around you either. It’s not about you! Become who God created you to be, not who you feel like being or who you think you deserve to be.

To the ones who made it through. God has restored your broken marriages. Praise Him and thank Him! Use your story to bring Him glory. Reach out to others who are broken and show them what God did for you. What an amazing encouragement you are to me and what an awesome testimony you carry!

To the one left to pick up the pieces. Your marriage is over. You are divorced. You did all you could do, and still, here you are. Probably, at times, very lonely and sad. Wow. It is for you I have the utmost respect. I don’t know how you do it. You play the role of mom and dad. You have risen above your circumstance and have chosen to become better rather than bitter. When I talk to you (and there are so many “yous”) you don’t down your ex, but instead you praise our Lord for strength, and the opportunity to begin again. You, my friends, make me proud to call you friend and sister. I pray that as you teach your kids about Christ they see Him in you…just like I do!

To the rest of us. Commit and communicate. Make time for each other and listen to one another. Your thing may be cleaning and organizing and his may be music and working out, but be interested. Ask questions. Stick together. Good or bad. Hang on tight. Pray together, pray for each other, and pray for marriages in general. Satan is out to destroy what God has created to be so sweet and sacred, do NOT give him a foothold. Love him (or her) more than you love yourself, show them respect, and give God all the glory!