He's a miracle!

September 4, 2008 Robert "Gage" Brown was born.

Our first family picture

My first time holding my sweet boy...he was several weeks old.

Get. On. The. Plane....

It happens every year...starting on August 29th...my mind runs through a play-by-play...day-by-day...detail by detail...of all the events that led up to Gage's birth. If you know me at all you have probably heard and/or read this story too many times to count. There is no way I can blog it, journal it, or tell it enough to do it justice...all the grace, mercy, and specific detail that God took the time to put in place so that we could see it was ALL for Him, by Him, about Him and to bring Him glory. I will never be able to thank Him enough...but I will spend the rest of my life trying...

June 2008- Gage was diagnosed with CDH (there was a hole in his diaphragm and his intestines, spleen, and appendix were all in his chest cavity...and his liver was not sure if it wanted to join the other misplaced organs).

Our doctor in Milledgeville referred us to a doctor in Macon, and the doctor in Macon told us about CHOP- the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. 

WHAT?

Ok...we can do this! With God all things are possible!

June 2008- we made our first trip to Philadelphia (on our first plane ride EVER)

July 2008- we made our second trip to Philadelphia

August 2008-we made our third trip to Philadelphia. This trip is when we nailed down some dates and details for "temporary relocating to Philadelphia". Gage was due on October 9th. They wanted me there no later than Monday, September 22nd.

August 25th...9:30 PM...I started bleeding...and we headed to Macon and were there through August 27...the bleeding stopped even though there was no explanation for why it started to begin with.

August 28- back to Macon...more bleeding. My doctor called Philadelphia...they said stay in Georgia and call after Labor Day weekend...wait it out and just see what happens. When (and if) I do come...it will be best to drive. My doctor in Macon said...I can't tell you what to do...but G O and go NOW!

Friday August 29- (5 years ago today) mom and I hopped a plane to Philly (yep...against medical advice...not only did we come when they said stay...we flew to boot).

Friday August 29-Tuesday September 2nd- we stayed in a hotel in Philadelphia waiting on Labor Day weekend  to pass. If we never see another Diner or another Denny's we will be just fine! I DrEaDeD calling Denise- the head nurse over all things as far as I knew- and the one who told me to stay put. After the initial SHOCK that we came anyway...she got us a room at the Ronald McDonald House in Camden, New Jersey. We couldn't get a room at the RMHouse near CHOP because the baby was not yet born. She also made us an appointment for the following day. Did I mention that I did not bleed the entire stay at the hotel, but started again the morning of my appointment??

Wednesday September 3rd- We went to our appointment. The midwife tells us that I am dilated 3 cm and 75% effaced. I, of course, have no clue what this means. She smiles and says...this baby will be here soon. WHAT???!!! Soon like I need to call Chris soon, or soon like this week? When??? We rock on for a few hours and nothing changes. They debate whether to admit me or not. They decide to go ahead and keep me, and "sure...go ahead and call you husband...we just hate for him to come for nothing". I call him...he leaves work and "packs". I call my sister-in-law. Whitney...is there ANY way you can go to my house, pack your brother, get him a plane ticket, and take him to the airport? Yes? Ok...thanks! She will never know what blessing she was, is, and will always be! Chris arrives around 9:30 PM and nothing has changed still. The midwife and doctor come in, apologize for getting him on a plane, wish us a good night sleep, and give us a run down for the morning.

Thursday September 4th...Early in the morning...I am not feeling so good. I tell mom and she calls the nurse. The nurse checks me and all is well...except not two minutes later I said...uhhh mom...I am pretty sure my water just broke. If you know Ramona LaFavor, then you know that she is the epitome of cool, calm, and collected. She lifts of the covers, smiles and simply says, I think I will just page the nurse. Well...it wasn't water...it was blood. It wasn't a little...it was a LOT! It was so much so that in less that 5 minutes they were prepping me for an emergency C-section and Chris was looking like the Michelin tire man with his white suit on. I was scared, but calm. I was unsure, but certain. God was here. He was RIGHT here. He was here in the form of doctors, nurses, my mom, and my sweet precious husband. God formed that baby with not a mistake in mind and He was gonna complete this good work he started...Gage came a few minutes later. His sweet cry of "I'm here" is all we heard. We didn't see him, hold him, touch him or look at him right away. The OB passed him on to the next group of doctors and nurses who would take him and hook him up to what seemed like a million tubes and machines to ensure that he would have EVERY chance at this precious thing we call life. We later learned it was touch-and-go but that Gage was a "fighter" and was clearly not going to give up! You got that right! 

That night the same doctor and midwife from the previous night who apologized for sending for Chris stood at my bedside in amazement without explanation of how PERFECT everything just went. They went on to tell us that had they sent me "home" that night to the Camden RMHouse and had I abrupted (that's what happened to me and why all the bleeding the previous week) in Camden (not 10 miles from CHOP) that the ambulance would not have been able to cross the bridge to get me to CHOP and I would not have been able to deliver there. 

God.is.in.every.detail.  He.does.not.miss.a.thing.

September 9th...5 short days after his birth...Gage had surgery to repair his CDH. There was not enough diaphragm there to sew it back together (imagine the opening of a balloon and sewing it shut) so they had to sew his tissue to a gortex patch and it would act as his diaphragm and as he grows this tissue will grow to the patch and it will act as part of his missing diaphragm. Amazing. Simply amazing. 

For the next 5 weeks God never stopped. He sent family. He sent friends. He sent care package after care package. He sent money, food, encouragement beyond all explanation. He put it on the hearts of SO many to pray...and that they did! We got to hold Gage several weeks after he was born. He had good days and not so good days and so did we. Chris, mom, and I...the 3 amigos...the NICU all-stars...we have some pretty amazing memories!

October 14th...5 weeks after his surgery...and 5 days after his original due date...we came home!

What an amazing journey. I hope and pray I NEVER get tired of recalling as many details as I can. I hope that Gage will one day soon see that scar across his belly and come to know the One who allowed him to live. It is our prayer that one day he can tell his story so that people will hear HIS story! I am thankful that as another August came and went it meant that was one more healthy year for Robert Gage Brown. We were surrounded by people in the NICU who were not as fortunate with the same outcome, and we pray we never forget what God has done! 

Gage will be 5 years old in a little over a week. He goes to school with me every day. He talks to anyone and everyone who will listen. He loves life. He loves to laugh. He loves to dance and "shake his booty." He loves all things trains and amimals. He can run, swing, and jump on a trampoline and his lungs don't even know that they were, at one point in time, not properly functioning. Gage is tenderhearted and yet stubborn as a mule. He appreciates routine, order, and organization (which I tend to LOVE about him). He is a great big brother and friend to Carter. He L O V E S a book and at the end of the day...wants to take his bath, snuggle up, and end his day like any other "normal" little boy. He sees a lung specialist once a year, but other than that, if you didn't see the scar, you wouldn't know anything was ever "wrong" with him. 

Lord- 

We don't know why you chose us to raise such precious boys but we thank you for entrusting us to do so. You are too good to us. You have done and continue to do more than we could ever ask or imagine. You are full of grace and mercy toward us. May we NEVER forget all that you have done for us. We thank you for blessing us FAR beyond belief!    

We love you, Chris and Lauren

40 years later...

 Sunday Thoughts...

40 years ago today my parents got married. My dad from one side of the tracks and my mom...the complete opposite. Their paths crossed at Berry College in Rome, Ga. They married the summer after their junior year. He played basketball and she was (and is) a singer and had (and has) the voice of an angel. They were both educators, as were their grandmothers before them. They gave 30 years to the Douglas County School System and I dare say when they left on their last day they were just as fresh and in love with kids as they were on day one. They have been faithful members of County Line Baptist Church as along as I can remember and have called the people there "family" since they were 22 years old. Their personalities are very different, but their roots are the exact same. You love God, you love people, and you serve others. My dad is a fisherman, yet also a fisher of men. Fishing is his tool to share Christ's love with anyone and everyone who will cast a net or read a story. My mom, she is also a fisher of men. She, however, doesn't own or care to own a fishing pole. No, she owns a little blue "cube" car and you will see her every day of her life helping the homeless people of Douglasville, Ga. She takes them breakfast, dinner, groceries, and anything else they need...all they way down to the shoes on of her feet. You will also catch her being a fisher of women on Mondays as she leads a Women's Bible Study. As you can see my brother and I grew up in what some may call "Mayberry". Both parents for 40 years, sacrificing to make sure we had everything we needed...and wanted. The epitome of a "good Baptist upbringing". Food on the table, basketball games attended, homework done together, books read every night, and on and on. But, it's more than that. It wasn't a fantasy, it wasn't that we got "lucky" and that my parents "happen to raise us right". They are not perfect, nor were they, nor will they ever be. BUT (change of direction), when things got hard, they ran to God. When things were good, they ran to God. When there were questions and concerns, they ran to God. When I was hurting as a little girl, they did not retaliate, as family we ran to our God! 5 years ago TODAY when things took a turn for Gage, as he was fighting for his life in my belly, we ran to our God. When things have been, are, and will be hard and unpredictable for Chad and his kids, we will run to our God. They have taught us that this faith has to become our own. They taught us the importance of not only going to church, but being the church. They raised us to trust God FIRST, and the rest will fall into place. No, Chad and I did not grow up in Mayberry. We did not grow up in a "better time" and around "better kids". We grew in a home. We grew up in a place where my parents took a stand and said "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord". That is why if you are looking for my brother or I today, we will be with our families in the churches that God has called us to. That is why each day we do our best (and yes, fail, but strive nonetheless) to also leave a legacy for our children. It is our hope that when our children are 37 and 31 that they will love and respect us as much as we do our parents. To love unconditionally. No strings attached. To give when there is nothing left to give.

Happy 40th mom and dad. We hope you are having a great trip. We love you dearly!

Mother's Day Thoughts...

Dear Gage and Carter-

I love you both so very much. I am proud to be your mommy. I am thankful to be a "boys mom" and would not trade a dinosaur for a hairbow, nor a Thomas train for a pair of ballet slippers for one second! 

Gage- you are God's grace in the flesh. His reminder that miracles still happen...

Carter- you are an example of God's sweet mercy. His reminder than He can be trusted...again and again.

Gage- I know that I am, at times, too protective. I also know that I have probably created and/or fed your fears by my constant "be careful buddy", "watch out buddy", etc. I am trying to give you some growing room, but it's hard. For the first 6 six weeks of your life we watched every rise and fall of your chest and prayed God would let you live. For the first year 6 months I charted every ounce of milk you drank, and counted your every poop. I am thankful God allowed you a chance at life! Not only do you live, you live hard! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for your life. I cannot promise your life will be easy, in fact I can promise you quite the opposite. However...I pray that like Nehemiah...you will be strong and steadfast and that you will not come down from the wall God calls you to build. Robert "Gage" Brown, I am proud to call you my son.

Carter- You are clearly the second child. You fall, you cry, you fill your diaper and it can wait just "one more second little man". Your daddy and I laugh constantly when you are around. Your expressions, your rough housing, your lack of all things orderly, and of course your wrestling matches with Gage. We all adore you Matthew "Carter" Brown and are thankful God sent you our way...you complete us! 

Until September 4, 2008 there had been two MAJOR times God gave me a glimpse of His love. His unconditional love. His "I gave my only son for you" love. That was the day I asked Him in my heart, and the day I married your daddy. He has since given me two more glimpses...being a mother to the two of you!

My precious boys...there are no words to describe what Mothers Day means to me. It is a day for me to remember when, to embrace today, and to anicipate tomorrow. I pray for you daily...for your protection and innocence, for your salvation, for your life decisions, and for your wives.

I love you boys...to the moon and back!

Reflection is a good thing...

Here is where I find myself tonight...

Thankful for my God, my family and friends, my church, and my job.

Thankful for my life group and the opportunity to do life together, talk about real stuff, and to grow closer because of it. Thankful for a story to share, and for people to share it with.

Thankful that God gives us all different convictions...and even more than that...as I grow up I am realizing that it's not my place to push mine on others, nor should I be offended or take it personally when and if they don't share mine. I have also learned that I am not wrong when I don't share theirs. I don't have to defend God's call on my life, I just have to live it out.

My pastor says that "We all have a wall to build". In Nehemiah, a clear picture is painted that there is a work to be done! I am thankful that I get to hammer away bright and early Monday- Friday at Putnam County Primary School. I get to love on kids that are not easy to love. I get love on kids that are. I get to watch kids have "aha moments" and I get to help those who struggle through. I also get to share Jesus with them...each and every day. Despite what is so often said, written, or assumed...as a Christian not only will I not leave God out of my classroom, I cannot...for you see...where I am, there He is also...He lives within my heart. We will pledge, we will pray, we will stand united. We will cry with the family when one of our students is diagnosed with cancer. We will visit with each other when a faculty member dies or someone in their family does. We will donate money, and we will walk for a cause. We will not stand by and become a statistic, and we will not stop building until the wall is complete!

Are you building a wall, or are you tearing one down? It is either one or the other, you cannot do both. God did not call us all to the same "job site", so let's agree to disagree and get to work. Life is too short to watch each other to see if we are doing what is "right"...let's just spur each other on to do what we are called to do.

Love God and love people...

You know that moment when...

you are reminded that you are are the only one who continues to think you have it all together?

you make a conscious effort to spend more time with God in devotion and prayer, and as you keep your commitment, more "stuff" keeps rising to the surface?

you feel like your time is being wasted and find yourself asking what you are doing what in the world "you" (as if I am somebody) and doing "here" when you could be at home? And in this same moment you allow your anger and frustration to surface only further revealing the said stuff mentioned above?

you see things about yourself that make you want to vomit?

you are reminded that God rejoices over the "prodigal son" and dresses HIM in the robe and gives HIM the ring? Not you? Not the "faithful Sunday School girl"? (Insert said vomit session mentioned above)

you realize that you have put off going "deeper" with God for so long that He has A LOT of cleaning up and cleaning out to do.

you start to finally realize (again) that you are not in control. You are not owed an answer, nor are you entitled to know just because you are the faithful brother and not the prodigal son?

you breathe in deep, blow it out, close your eyes and say...ok God...I am listening. I am laying here, in my bed on a Sunday afternoon, trying to sleep (like my three boys are) but I can't. I won't get up. I won't busy myself. I WILL make an effort to BE STILL and LISTEN. Please speak.

That's the moment when...He sweetly and patiently says...

you fooled yourself good this time, didn't you? I left you to your pride a lot longer than you really wanted to stay with it, didn't I? I am not going to force you to listen. I am not going to push myself on you. But, I have been waiting, and yes my daughter you are the only one who thought you had it all together.

oh, there is so much I have wanted to tell you. Let's work together to get rid of this "stuff" so we can move forward to and I can show you the plans that I have in mind.

your time is really MY time because I gave it to you to spend. I do not want to dwell on all of the time that you waste doing things that do not truly matter, so I will just say this...I have put a certain place and people group on your heart for reasons and purposes far beyond anything you could ever understand. I chose you to love on "these people', not because I need you to, but because I want you to, and because it's about ME (God) and not YOU (Lauren). Examine your heart and see if you are up to the task. If not, don't go. Don't do it, and for goodness sake do NOT be fake (Romans 12- The Message)

yes-you should want to vomit. Lukewarm Christians make me want to vomit too! I tell you that in my word!

do you not realize that you were once, not too long ago, a prodigal son? you may have been sitting in church, but you weren't there. you may have been going through the motions, but your heart wasn't right. 2 weeks ago, when you decided to crack your Bible open and spend time with me again...trust me...I was rejoicing, my prodigal son!

we do have a lot of cleaning up to do. day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. You will fall, but I will catch you. You will mess up, but together, we will move forward. After all, you are not perfect nor do you have it all together.

no, I will not waste time giving you answers you do not need, but I looking forward to giving you the ones you do!

And, as I listen and take it all in, God does not yell, He continues to whisper. I think He does this because He wants to be sure I hear Him. He says...I love you. I created you to love me, and to love people. I want you to bring ME glory. There will never be anything that you need to know that I will not tell you. Trust me, it is for your own good. I am yours, and you are Mine!

Here is your goal this week...

Trust and obey. Period.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed...

-by God's goodness and provisions.

-by the fact that He WANTS to talk to me...the creator of the UNIVERSE WANTS to talk to me.

-that I don't make the time to talk to HIM.

-with gratitude that even when I don't make the time, He still speaks, and LOUDLY...

Take this morning for example...

We got up early with the boys. We did our usual Sunday morning routine (only this week my mom was here too). We played, watched cartoons, had breakfast, etc... Never once did I ask God to speak to me this morning. Never once did I wonder what I would take away from the message. I prayed for Jeff this week as he prepared it, but didn't pray for what I was to learn. I was excited about going to church, but not anticipating what was in store.

Two weeks ago we had the honor of having a group from Ohio come to Church Central and do a "discipleship conference" with us. It was awesome, to say the least, and that would be a blog all in itself!

With that (discipleship) in mind...come with me to church for a few minutes. I am sure the sermon had a title. I am also sure we read scripture...several if my memory serves me correctly. The bottom line was this- We are not just called to commit, we are also called to submit. Anyone can make a commitment. An agreement. Give their word. BUT (change of direction) it takes courage to submit. You commit on the day of your wedding, but you submit to your mate and THEN you have a marriage. When you go from having faith to tapping into courage, a courage only God can give, it is then that you will begin to "bear much fruit". We commit our life to God on the day of salvation, the day we ask Him in our hearts, but we submit when He calls us to do something and we obey.

For me, it's like this. When I can go from saying I am not in control to truly allowing God to have FULL control, it is then that I have both surrendered and submitted. I don't think it's a one time thing. I think it's a daily thing. Oh yes...Jeff did share that verse today...Take up your cross DAILY and follow me. Oh yes...we learned that the week before in discipleship class..."Daily in the word". But...I want details. I want to know how it looks. I want to know the end result. I WANT...etc. If you have ready my blog for very long you will notice two things...

1. I struggle with control (among many other things)

2. I struggle to MAKE time to spend with God each day

Two things that are constantly in songs I hear, sermons I sit under, or, like tonight, discussed in a small group I am blessed to be a part of.

God will always give us enough understanding for today. That is all we need. That is all we can handle. If we needed more, He would grant it to be so. If we could handle more, we would be God. But we are not, He is.

You might say...He is first...and we are second!

How will this week look different than last? What are my goals?

1. Relinquish control...again...and again...and again.

2. Make time to walk and talk with God each day.

3. Try and remember...I AM SECOND!

Acknowledgment is sharing...

I like simplicity. I consider myself a pretty simple girl. Chris and I do our best to run a simple home together. Some may even go so far as to call us VERY predictable. We like a plan, and are not fond of "flying by the seat of our pants". For the most part our days look very similar...and we like it. Simple!

So...imagine our excitement when we started attending Church Central several months ago. We fell in love with it our very first visit. We walked through the door and knew IMMEDIATELY this would soon become our home. We met several people and were reunited with others and knew IMMEDIATELY these people would soon become our family. The desire of Chris' heart, and mine? To love God, and love people. To come to church, and it be simple. Simple for our kids. Simple for us. And...it is! Not only is it simple, it is simply AmAzInG! Is is perfect? Not for a second! Is it perfect for us? You better believe it! 

In this day and time I think it is harder to be simple than it is to be fancy and complicated. Chris and I want this for ourselves and for our boys: To worship God through song- be that "worship songs" or hymms, the TRUTHS of the BIBLE to be taught- complete with no opinions, opportunities to love and be loved, and people to "do life" with. Regular, simple people. People who struggle, people who hurt, people who pray, and people who want to serve. People, like us, who are trying to sift through the "stuff" in life that really just does not matter, and also the stuff that does. The stuff that we either have been taught for so long as truth, or just stuff that life throws at us along the way. We want to be surrounded with people are like minded, and you guessed it, simple! 

We are grateful for our life group, and for our church home. We have been blessed for many years to be surrounded by people who love and support us. People who have seen us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. People who have prayed blessings at the time of our salvation, blessings over our marriage, a miracle for our big boy, and grace for our little one. I am excited that even when seasons in life bring change, that we know the One who sets those seasons in motion. 

If you are reading this, you probably know me, and you also know that when Jeff preached today from Proverbs 3:5 and 6 and quoted the verses "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowlege Him, And He shall direct your paths...I thought...oh boy! Here we go...every control freaks dream message!!! Trust Him with ALL of our heart? Don't lean on OUR understanding? In ALL of my ways acknowledge him? HE directs my path??? Jeff then proceeded to ask me-I mean us-if we are willing to be interrupted. Well, of course. It's not like I think I have the master plan. It's not like I need to constantly be reminded that there is ONE God, and I am NOT Him. Or...do I? According to Jeff...which also translates...according to scripture..."Acknowledgment leads to sharing". 

Think about it for a minute. If we allow ourselves to be interrupted, and truly acknowledge who God is, it will lead to sharing. We will not be able to help but to share God's love with people around us. If we acknowledge Him, He will provide opportunities to share who He is. My dad and I were just talking about this very thing last week...and then this sermon today. Hmmmm....I may be a simple minded girl, but I know that when God repeats Himself, He wants me to listen and to obey!

So, what about you? Tomorrow is Monday. A new day. A new work week. Will you acknowledge God? Will you allow yourself to be interrupted so that you can share Him with others around you? Will you let go of that/those area(s) where are you CONTINUALLY trying to lean on your own understanding? I know what those areas are for me, and they make me tired! We were not meant to know. We are not meant to understand. If we were, we would not have to trust or have faith. I am gonna give it another try. tomorrow. and the next day. and the next. I will fail, but I will dust off my boots and try again. I do not want to be so busy directing my own path that I miss the one GOD Himself set out for me, for my husband, and for our boys. 

Acknowledgment is sharing...who will you acknowledge and what will you share this week?

Blessed? The Brown's? Oh yes! We are blessed way beyond belief!