Brown...party of 4

Every day since I started blogging about Gage, I wondered how I would begin THIS VERY blog. I wondered if it would be labeled "Gage is going to be a big brother" or if I would have something clever to say, but my best friend Hollie said it best when she texted me "Brown party of 4."

As some of you may know it took Chris and I a year and a half to get pregnant with Gage, so naturally we were sure it would take just as long or longer the second go around. Well...actually...this time...it was only 4 months!! WOW! For those of you who have been pregnant before you know what I mean when I say "you just know". I knew the next week we were going to have a baby. I didn't say anything to anyone, but I just knew, but I definitely needed some proof. I was at the Dollar Tree buying two tests in May and I said to the lady "can you please bags these several times, I don't want my husband to see them. HA- you should have seen the look on her face. I quickly explained that IF there was in fact a baby in my belly my husband was DEFINITELY the daddy, but if there was not I didn't want us both to be disappointed. She smiled and said to keep her posted. I took both tests an hour apart and they both said the same thing- positive. I took one more just for good measure! This Thursday we will be 10 weeks along, and the time is already flying by.

In all of this excitement, there is also some cautious awareness that seems to never want to leave my ever thinking brain. We are about 10 weeks away from when we found out about Gage's CDH. Our doctor is sending us to our same specialist for the very same check up just to be on the safe side. Gage's CDH was a 1 in 250,000 chance, so its next to impossible for Baby #2 to have it...but that one little seed of doubt is all Satan needs to run wild and wide open...and boy does he! This pregnancy has been a lot different that my first one. So of course that makes me think and wonder things too...BUT...here are my thoughts for today...actually my thoughts for tonight after getting a sweet card from Chris and Gage that said "Step by Step and Day by Day...remember that we are supporting you...and it's all in HIS hands. WOW...so true, huh?

Gage was and is in those same Hands who are knitting this baby together.

What a blessing to not only get pregnant once, but twice!

God's plans are not our plans, nor are His ways our ways.

He has all of the "what if's" taken care of.

If there is something "wrong" with this baby, we know JUST the hospital to go to!

Whatever may come, good or bad, God will get the glory!

There are people, so many people, praying for our family...even as I am typing!

Gage is going to be a big brother...and he only had a "50% chance of living"

The more Satan tries to attack or plant seeds, the more people God sends at just the right time to say just the right things, just when I need to hear it! Thank you!

Step by Step, Day by Day, its all in His hands. Thank you Chris Brown for being the most precious gift God has ever given to me. If Gage grows up to be half the man you are, his wife will be one blessed woman. You always know the right thing to say (or not say), and you always take such good care of me. I love you more each day, and I can't wait to meet and begin our journey with our second baby!

We have always been, and still remain, blessed beyond belief!

Our home away from home...

One of the MANY things I LOVE about our church is that we are ministry and mission minded. We love to get together, but more often we love to get out and do things with and for others in our community. My particular love is our "remote" ministry. When my best friend, Hollie, and I came to SBC 10 years ago, we fell in love with a neighborhood by the name of "Boddy Projects". We rode a bus every Wednesday night and brought many, MANY, many kids to Sinclair. It was loud, crazy, rough, and at times, not so great...but we loved it. We loved riding the bus, we loved the kids, we tried to love their families, and we made many memories that will last a lifetime. As time went on, and things changed, we no longer ran the bus. There were still the faithful few that we picked up, and still do, but there were no more bussing kids in.

And then...the unthinkable happened...

Someone got the idea that we should take "church" to the neighborhood. WHAT? You can't have church outside the walls of a church, can you? Isn't this the way we have ALWAYS done it though? YES! IT IS! Our pastor OFTEN says, "If you keep doing what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten." He is so right. The remote ministry got off to a rough start, but a little over a year later Chris, Gage and I (and all of the people who help us) have made a lot of friends, loved on a lot of kids, and spent some precious and quality time in the neighborhood.

I love for Gage to ask if we are going to church, but I love even more when he asks when are going to see our "friends in the neighborhood". I also love to hear him say, "Mommy, I see Leroy, Squirrel, and Kenny." Tonight he met a lady named Peaches, and he is probably still laughing at how funny she is.

We pray that they see God in us. We pray that it's not taken as a "hand out", but rather, time spent between friends talking about Christ. Everyone learning from each other. Everyone growing together, and maybe, just maybe, if they don't know Christ, something we say or do will lead them to Him!

Do you ever...

have those days when you look at your "baby" and think...where did the time go? Do you ever let them stay up just a little later because you had a late day at work, took a while to cook dinner, and you just needed a little longer to soak it all up? Do you ever listen to the things they say and just laugh...right out loud...and so hard your sides hurt? Do you ever watch your husband watch your child and you just swell with happiness because you see the love he has for him? Do you ever look at your little one and wonder what is going on in that sweet little brain of his? Do you ever close your eyes and listen as your little man sings "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and....mommy what about orange, pink, purple and brown? Precious! Do you ever BEG God to keep them innocent as long as possible, and to draw them to Himself as early as possible? Do you ever just stop for a minute, push pause in this busy life, and thank God for the here and now? The right now? It's the simple things in life that make it all worthwhile! Today I am thankful I had a great Spring Break last week, I got to return to a great job that I LOVE, I got to catch up with Hollie and my momma on the phone. I am thankful for the chance to cook dinner with Chris while Gage played trains in the middle of the kitchen floor, go visit with Stephanie and Becki and then to top of the night Chris and I gave Gage a bath and put him to bed. It is a simple life, but I love it. May I never take a day for granted and may I always take time to thank for God for little things! Do you ever?

Sometimes you need a little S P A C E

So, for a week long stretch Gage had an out of body experience. He was on steroids and if he NEVER takes them again it will be too soon! He was "not himself" for several days but thankfully several weeks ago we had already planned a trip for him to go to his grandparent's house for the weekend. My father-in-law and his mom (I guess my grandmother-in-law) came Thursday from Harlem and followed Gage and I to the doctor for his check up. As it turned out he had a double ear infection and would need to begin antibiotics Thursday night. As Mr. Bob "Adda" and Grandma Brown "GG" drove Gage back with them to Harlem they stopped in Milledgeville for a burger, to pick up his meds, and off they went to Harlem. It was a LONG ride, but they finally made it.

Why would you ask them to follow you all the way to Macon you may ask? Well...also planned for this same Thursday night was a girl's night with my BFF, Hollie. So, Mr. Bob was nice enough to follow me to Macon so I wouldn't have to drive back in forth in one day or reschedule my time with Hollie. She picked me up from Gage's doctor and for the next 5 hours neither of us stopped talking. It was as if we were 16 years old walking down the halls of our high school. We talked about everything (and everyone) we could think of. I don't know if you have a friendship with someone like we have with each other, but its the through thick and thin, good times and bad, laughing and crying, no matter where we live we stay in touch...and on and on...thank kind of friendship. Here is what I love when I am with Hollie- we talk- we listen- we are open/honest/truthful/real- we are supportive- we are both Christian girls in love with our God, our husbands, and our sons. There is no doubt that when Hollie and I are 59 we will be sneaking some time away to spend with each other and catch up on the latest life happenings. I love this girl like my sister, and she is my forever friend!

As if Thursday night with Hollie wasn't enough...I had Friday, Saturday, and a good part of today baby free! Before you go getting all "mother of the year" on me, know that I needed some space from my sweet boy. I am a better mom because I work and I am a better wife and mom when I get some time to myself to do things I want to do and when I want to do them. I am so thankful for my parents and for Chris' parents who do so much for Gage and with Gage. I pray they know how much they mean to us!

All of that said to say...Chris and I had a great weekend. We met up for a late dinner on Friday night after I worked at school until about 7. Its amazing how much you get done when nobody is around! We woke up late Saturday and Chris went fishing with a friend and I watched a movie, worked on taxes, coached my last upward game, ate with my team, and then Chris and I hit the sack to get ready for church today. We enjoyed Sunday School and church this morning, lunch out today, and then grocery shopping!

By this time we are so ready to see Gage...and then...Whitney pulls up and I can hear him yelling our names from the backseat. It was priceless. Precious. So good to hear. There is nothing like hearing "Mommy" and "Daddy" when you haven't heard it in three days! He is back to his old self- thankfully- and the steroids are out of his system. He has a few more days on antibiotics, but nothing we can't handle.

Bottom line?

If you are at your breaking point, take some time, put some space between you and the thing/person for a few days. There is nothing wrong with some space...it did a world of good for me!

It could ALWAYS be worse...

If you are familiar with the movie "Pollyanna", then you are also familiar with the "glad game". This is a game my dad and I have played since I was a little girl. It goes something like this...

Person 1: breaks their arm

Person 2: says something clever like...it could be worse...atleast it wasn't both arms

Person 1: says something like I am just glad I have an arm to break, there are many who have no arms, or arms that are wounded...

You get the idea!

Well...today...I was reminded that perspective is VITAL in life. Let's take Gage for example. He has this horrible sounding cough with the runniest nose I have ever seen. None of have slept in days and we are all TiReD!!! We went to the doctor yesterday and she put him on steroids and breathing treatments. I don't know if you have ever seen a 2 year old on steroids, but use your imagination and multiply that by a million and there you have our son. Since he is "off", everything about him is off. His mood. His sleep. His breathing. His pottying. His....and on and on. He has driven me absolutely bonkers today and just as the benedryl kicked in this afternoon, and Gage and I were laying in his bed, I checked my email. There I found a link to a blog recommended by a friend of mine. For me, what it boiled down to was perspective.

This girls was singing a sob story because she hurt her foot and meanwhile a friend of hers with cancer was asking prayer for the mouth sores she was having to deal with during her 3rd round of chemo. WOW, right?

How quickly we lose sight of our blessings when things aren't going our way, or according to OUR (MY) plan. I was reminded today how it could be SO much worse in our household. Right now I am thankful for... a husband who shares the "burdens" at home, a little boy- not 100% though he may be- he is ours, medicine that will help him feel better and faster, a day off of work to take care of him, and mostly I am thankful that I am praying for

his sleep...

as opposed to his life!

You know what I was also reminded of today? Even in Philly while praying for Gage's life, it could have been so much worse then too.

Bottom line?

Perspective- we could all use a better one from time to time. However, no matter what ours is, God's never changes, and nor does He. The same God that is with the girl's hurt foot, is with the girl who has cancer, was and is with Gage, and is or wants to be with you! What is your perspective on a God who sent His only son to die so that you and I might live, and live abundantly? I am overwhelmed with his love, mercy, and grace!

A good message...

What did I get out of church today?

I need to GROW UP...spiritually speaking! Children do childish things and like children should, but as adults, we need to act like we are such. Not just adults, but Christian adults, set apart by God, to show the world there is a difference in us!

I was given a measure of grace by God...not for myself, but to pour out on others. When that grace "runs out", God is right there with more, and more, and more. I was reminded of how much grace has been given to me, who am I not to share mine with other people?

I was called to L O V E my brothers and sisters in Christ. Not judge them. Not listen to gossip about them, or spread it about them. Not "keep my distance" in an order to be safe. Not contribute to making our church looking like the world, but to help make church a safe place, a place for healing and helping. I am convinced that what the "world" wants to see is ONE thing. They want to see someone who walks their talk. We have heard it a million times, but it is so true. They don't want someone who can tell them how spiritual they are, how many times they read the Bible through or went to church. What does this matter if we don't have love? If we are so head smart, but heart stupid, is God impressed? The answer I was reminded of today...no! It's now about the songs we sing, the time our services start, the programs we have, the things we agree or don't agree on...its about 2 things...loving God and loving people.

I told Chris today. I am over it. I am ready to grow up. I am ready to draw a line in the sand at work and at school. When things don't go my way. Grace. When I don't agree. Grace. When people make me mad. Grace. When I hear the latest rumor. Grace. I want Chris to have a wife and Gage to have a mom that is too busy giving grace to stop and make it her job to judge or condem. I want people to tell them- wow God is all over her. I can tell she loves her God, loves her family, and loves other people. I don't want to be distracted by things that don't matter, but rather I want to love and extend the grace that is so freely given to me time after time after time. Chris said, let's pray for that conviction that you will be ever aware of that attitude that you have, and the one that you desire.

I am praying.

I am ready to do some growing.

Thanks Andy! Awesome message today!

What have we been up to at our house?

Dear Baby Nursery-

I can still remember the smell of the fresh blue paint that Mr. Bob and Mrs. Kay painted on your on your walls. I remember going to pick out furniture with my mom back home. I can also remember getting our bedding...from the most unlikely place (my pal Megan's dad randomly picked it up at an auction and I LOVED it). I also remember when Hollie stumbled across the website to find all the "stuff" to match the bedding. I remember Tammy painting the details on Gage's name and book basket. I remember FINALLY deciding on a chair...oh the chair...many days and nights of rocking, many books read, and many times just sitting and watching Gage from that chair! I remember coming home from Philadelphia with my sweet new bundle of joy and him sleeping in his bed the very first night he was home. Its funny now, but it wasn't then, the first time I messed up his medicine and he puked all over Hollie- on that nice clean carpet- little did I know that would be my first of MANY mistakes. I am told I will make a lifetime of them as a mother. Gage had many firsts in you, sweet baby nursery. You have been good to him. It is time though to say goodbye to you. My sweet 7 week old that we brought home is now 29 months old. He is a "big boy" and in need of a "big boy room". He needs room to stretch his long legs and a place he can have new "firsts" in. The walls are still that same "baby blue" but everything else has changed. Our soft colors have been traded in for primary colors and our sweet frogs replaced with monster trucks. Our diaper genie has been replaced with a trash can (potty training is going GREAT...for this weekend anyway). I say goodbye to you nursery but welcome the next phase we are entering for it means many things. It means that God has had His hand on Gage for these 29 months and is holding all of Gage's organs in place-right where they belong. It means he is healthy and growing. It means that there is a storage building full of baby furniture that may be used again sometime- Lord willing. It means that Chris and I are blessed far beyond what we deserve. It means every time we walk in this special room of our home, we will always remember what is started as, and one I am learning right now...Gage will always be our baby!!